A Change of Venue
by Data01
Summary: What if Riker wasn't the one to be implanted with the Trill symbiont Odan in the episode "The Host"?  What if something went a little too right?
1. Friend, Lover, Doctor, Captain, Diplomat

FRIEND, LOVER, DOCTOR, CAPTAIN AND DIPLOMAT

Chief Medical Officer's Log stardate 44823, I am preparing to surgically implant the Trill symbiont Odan into Captain Picard. I have strenuously advised against this; however, Captain Picard feels that the risk of war between the two moons of Peliar Zel outweighs any personal risk. Over the objections of his senior staff, he has turned command of the Enterprise over to First Officer William Riker and elected to undergo the implantation himself. I have been in communication with the Trill government and their experts for guidance although they themselves are unsure of the outcome. They are desperate to save the Odan symbiont and are aware that a new Trill host cannot arrive in time so they have given their consent on behalf of Odan.

She paused the recording. There were so many things to dislike about this situation. The past week with Odan had been a dream that was quickly turning into a nightmare. She was about to implant her lover into the body of a friend who would then know everything, every intimate detail of her body and her heart. The risk to Jean-Luc was the most important concern. She had already lost a lover today, she couldn't bear to lose her best friend as well. If she was truly honest with herself, she was glad that Jean-Luc would be the one to experience those memories. It would be awkward, but not nearly as much as if one of the other crew members experienced it.

"Doctor," Riker stood in the doorway of her office. "You have to talk him out of this."

"He's the captain, Will. He's made his decision. I don't like it any more than you do."

"Then put Odan into me now," Riker suggested, "before he gets here."

Crusher sighed. She got up and walked over to him, resting her hand on his arm. "He does have a point about mentally being better equipped than anyone. After having the entire Borg collective in his head, one symbiont won't pose a threat to his sense of self. He's healthy and strong; if the Borg couldn't break him . . . Odan's a gentle soul, Will. He'll do everything he can to help Captain Picard through this experience."

"Good to know, Doctor." Picard's voice from behind Riker startled both of them. "Let's get to it."

She watched Jean-Luc strip off his uniform jacket and shirt to bare his chest. Nurse Ogawa helped him onto the surgical bed and activated the scanner. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she got to work. There were a few tense moments during the initial stages of the implantation. Jean-Luc had to be conscious for the procedure and there was only so much she could do to temper the discomfort. Typical of Jean-Luc Picard, he bore it stoically. Finally she was able to close the incision. The rest was up to Odan. She mopped Picard's forehead while she watched the bio-bed readings for signs of distress from either of them.

"Captain Picard," she noticed him beginning to stir and hoped to get a response telling her that she hadn't just made a huge mistake. "It's Doctor Crusher, can you hear me?"

He blinked several times, looking around the room as if disoriented. When his gaze landed on her, he smiled and weakly reached for her hand. He drew her wrist up to brush a soft kiss across the inside of it. "You look tired, Doctor Beverly."

"Odan?"

"Yes." Slowly sitting up, he shifted so that his legs were dangling off the side of the bed where Crusher was standing.

"What about Captain Picard?" She took the tricorder that Ogawa offered and began scanning.

"He is here as well; I am just a guest," Picard-Odan said. "I must admit to being quite shocked at how little he knows of the woman you are beneath that uniform. There is so much of yourself that you share with no one. He is your closest friend and had no idea of the passion-"

"Odan," Crusher interrupted with an embarrassed glace at Ogawa.

"Nurse Ogawa," Picard-Odan said. "Your captain says that you are dismissed. Thank you for your service."

Crusher nodded in accordance. Handling both Odan and Jean-Luc was probably best done without an audience. "We should get you to your quarters to rest."

He reached for her, his lips already parting for a kiss only to have her pull away. "What's wrong, Doctor Beverly?"

"Please, this is all a lot to deal with."

He kept a grip on her, preventing her from moving out of his reach. "I know. We need to talk about it.

"Are you or Captain Picard feeling any ill effects?" she asked, desperate to stop this conversation before it started. "The readings are fluctuating slightly more than the Trill physicians told me to expect but-"

"Don't shut me out," Picard-Odan begged. "I don't want cold, icy Doctor Crusher. I need fiery, passionate Doctor Beverly, the woman I fell in love with and who I thought loved me. Captain Picard needs his friend right now as well."

"That's unfair," she exclaimed. "You spring this symbiosis thing on me as you lay dying except you didn't die and now you're in the body of my captain and my friend. I'm seeing his face and hearing his voice but they're your words, Odan, and your emotions. How can you expect me to just carry on as if nothing's changed? Everything has changed!"

Drawing her wrist back up to his face, he nuzzled it tenderly. "I understand. I still love you, my feelings haven't changed. If those feelings cause you pain, I will suppress it. I would never hurt you, I hope you know that much. Regardless, Captain Picard will ensure that we keep our distance from you if that is what you wish. His self-control is quite impressive."

She watched Picard-Odan calmly walk out of Sickbay carrying his uniform jacket and shirt.

...

Crusher stood outside of Odan's quarters. There was no medical reason for her to be here, Captain Picard's body was adapting quite well to the presence of Odan. Some of his levels were still a little off, but not enough to pose a concern. Picard-Odan had convinced the representatives of Alpha and Beta moons to accept him as their negotiator. That wasn't too surprising given the combined diplomacy skills now residing in one body. In Ten-Forward Deanna had encouraged her to follow her heart. Well, her heart was just beyond that door. She rang the chime.

"Come," Picard-Odan called out.

She had to force herself to enter the room, the threshold of the door represented a forboding line in the sand. Once she crossed that line, she didn't think she would have the strength to walk away.

"Doctor Beverly, I'm glad you're here. We were just discussing you."

For a moment she was startled, looking around to see who else was there before realizing that he meant himself. This must be strange for Jean-Luc, they would certainly have a lot to talk about over breakfast for quite awhile. Thankfully, she was sure Jean-Luc's sense of decorum would preclude discussions of her sex life. "I'm not really sure why I'm here. You probably need to concentrate on tomorrow."

He stayed where he was. "I've been preparing; I'm as ready as I can be."

"That's good." She was glad that he hadn't moved. If he came toward her, she was half-afraid that she'd bolt right out of the quarters.

"I have received a message from my people," Picard-Odan said. "My new host will arrive in another eighteen hours. You will have Captain Picard back safe and sound. I must admit, he is a fascinating man and I am thoroughly enjoying my discourse with him; although the mechanical heart took some getting used to."

Now she wished that he would move. As it was, she would have to take the first step. Suddenly she realized that was exactly what he was waiting for her to do. It was comforting to know that Jean-Luc had the ability to wield so much control over his body even with Odan in there. Not that Odan would force himself on her, he was wild and passionate but tender and gentle as well. He brought out a side of her that she thought she'd buried a long time ago. She took a step toward him. "I did love you, Odan. You got past all of my doubts, all of my fears and made me love you-and myself again."

"The icy shell," Picard-Odan acknowledged. He took a step toward her.

She took two steps, rubbing her hands nervously down the sides of her uniform. "With you I felt more alive than I have since my late husband Jack was alive. I've missed being looked at like a woman. I didn't realize how much I missed being treated like a woman until you came along. I will always be grateful to you for that. I don't know . . . I just wanted you to know . . . "

"If you are going to leave, you must go now."

She shouldn't be here, it was wrong on so many levels. It had just been so long since she had felt truly alive, the past week with Odan had been amazing. Then for it to be so oddly and abruptly ripped away only to have it dangled in front of her like the torment of Tantalus was just too much. She could live with the consequences. If it meant one more night of the passion and fire that Odan made her feel, it would be worth it. "I'm not leaving."

Rushing into his arms, there was a second of awkwardness when their lips met. Those weren't Odan's lips, the chiseled features beneath her fingers were sterner and more angular than Odan's. The gray eyes she met with her gaze were those of a long-time friend and yet they were looking back at her exactly the way Odan had looked at her, with deep love and desire. She closed her eyes and her mind to the ways that he wasn't the Odan whom she had fallen in love with and just felt all of the ways in which he was. It was a little easier for this being Jean-Luc. They had never gone in this direction with each other before, but they were comfortable enough with each other than the strangeness of this intimacy quickly fled. Somehow they had ended up on the bed, she vaguely recalled ripping off his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin against hers. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, touching and caressing her with the certainty of a lover who knew every inch of her body intimately.

"Doctor Beverly," Picard-Odan rasped hoarsely. "My Doctor Beverly."

Time froze when he spoke those words, the intensity of his feelings evident even in their simplicity. Odan had a way with words, he was a diplomat, yet he didn't need to use flowery language to express the depth of his love for her. She felt their bodies join, Jean-Luc's more sinewy, muscled body claiming her with all of the passion and virility that Odan had brought to her life. Arching into his thrusts, she stopped thinking entirely and just focused on the pleasure he was giving her. The hair on his chest created a friction against her breasts, an indescribably delicious tingling sensation and she rubbed harder against his torso to increase the pressure. Her legs shifted to wrap around his waist, urging him to thrust into her harder and faster. If only this moment could last forever; this pleasure would have to last her the rest of her life. Their passion reached a crescendo, her body convulsing with the spasms of orgasm.

Picard-Odan thrust into her several more times and then stiffened before dropping onto her heavily. When several minutes passed silently, she realized that he hadn't stirred at all. "Odan?"

Silence was the only response. She shoved hard, managing to push him off of her and onto the bed beside her. "Odan? Jean-Luc?"

Mindless of her nudity, she rushed to retrieve her medical tricorder from the pocket of her lab coat. Returning to the bed, she was relieved to see Picard-Odan stirring and struggling to sit up.

"Merde," he swore softly.

The French profanity startled her. Scanning him, she inquired hesitantly. "Captain Picard?"

"Yes, Doctor," he said. "I think we should go to Sickbay; although perhaps you should get dressed first."

She flushed, realizing that she was standing in front of him completely nude. Turning to find her clothes, he caught her by the wrist and drew it to his mouth for a tender, lingering kiss.

"Not that the view isn't completely ravishing, Doctor Beverly," he added. "I just don't think you want anyone else to see it."

"Odan?" This was confusing. One second he acted and sounded like Jean-Luc and the next he was Odan.

Retrieving his own clothes, he nodded with an expression of disgust. "Yes, but I believe there may be a situation. I will need you to run a scan to be certain."

...

"It is as I feared," Picard-Odan sighed.

At his urging, Crusher had called Riker to join them in her office to discuss the results of her scans. Hopefully they could get through this without Riker needing to be told the circumstances that had preceded this. She compared the latest readings to her previous scans. Some of the neurochemical and hormone levels were off even further than before, but still not to a dangerous degree. "What's wrong?"

"When a Trill symbiont and host are first joined," Picard-Odan began to explain. "There are several days during which the two become one. After the joining is complete, the removal of the symbiont results in the death of the host."

Riker sat forward intently, alarm in his voice. "What does that have to do with Captain Picard? You've been in his body barely a day and half."

Crusher suddenly realized what Picard-Odan was trying not to say and felt nauseous. "Captain Picard isn't Trill, he's human. The Trill physicians I spoke with didn't know how that would affect the implantation. They didn't think it would be successful but it was the only chance at keeping the symbiont alive long enough for a replacement host to arrive."

"It seems the joining was more successful than anyone could have anticipated," Picard-Odan sighed. "The joining is complete. If I . . . Odan is removed at this point, Jean-Luc will die."

Riker stood, running his hand through his hair in obvious frustration. "What about Captain Picard? What does he want?"

"I'm right here, Will," Picard-Odan said. "I am Jean-Luc Picard. I am also Odan and everybody he has ever been. It's a bit confusing, not nearly as unpleasant as my experience as Locutus, it will just take some time to sort out all of the memories in my head. I will need you to remain in command for a time longer, Number One. I am still very much me, there's just a bit more to me than there was before. Starfleet and the Trill government should both be notified of the situation and I'm sure there will be extensive testing at some point. Right now our priority is resolving the Peliar Zel situation."

"Aye, Cap-" Riker's automatic response to his captain broke off abruptly. For a second he appeared to be struggling for words. Finally he just spun and strode out of Crusher's office.

Picard-Odan studied Crusher's face silently for a moment and then stood, walking around her desk. He leaned against her desk standing in front of her and reached for her hand. "My poor Doctor Beverly, this has been so hard on you."

"Odan . . . Jean-Luc . . . What am I supposed to call you?" She was shaking all over, the roaring in her ears and the pounding of her heart making her just want to run-to her quarters, to Deanna's quarters, anywhere that wasn't here with them. Her world was crashing in around her and ripping her to pieces in the process.

He didn't release her hand, instead cradling it in his. "Traditionally the host keeps their given name and adopts the symbiont's identity as a surname. I'm not sure how this is going to work myself. This is about as unexplored territory as either of us have ever encountered. I do know that I need you now more than ever."

She tried to pull away from him only to be pulled up into his arms. "Please," she hissed, nodding toward the windows overlooking Sickbay.

"As Jean-Luc I have known you for a long time, yet through Odan's eyes I'm seeing a woman I've never really known. I, Jean-Luc, need my friend and doctor to help me through this the same way you were there after Locutus. Odan needs the woman he loves to hold him and be there for him. As old as I-he-is, being in a human . . . this is a new experience for him and just being in the same room with you is a comfort to . . . both of us."

She almost wished she was the type of woman to faint. "I . . ."

"Need time," he finished for her with a smile. "I know. You should know that the joining between Odan and myself became complete when your body and mine-"

"Please," she begged him as she fought back tears.

"We should take this slow," he said. He reached out to lightly caress her face almost as if to wipe away the tears that she was trying not to shed. "Have dinner with me. Have breakfast with me. Have lunch with me. Just spend time with me. God knows I need to get to know myself; I also need for you to get to know the new me. If nothing else, Odan will never let me hear the end of it if I let you walk away from us out of fear. You know me, Beverly, Jean-Luc. I have valued your place in my life and I would dearly miss you if you weren't there. Odan would be heart-broken to lose you. We will both accept your decision, just give us-this-a chance, that's all we ask."

She forgot about the windows, the people in Sickbay, everything. In his arms she felt wanted, needed, cherished and alive. The man holding her had been her friend and now her lover. In a surreal way, this felt right and even though she knew there were a thousand reasons that she shouldn't agree to this . . . "Where do we start?"

Breathing a sigh of relief, he leaned forward to kiss her long and hard. "First I need to handle these peace talks. Have dinner with me tonight."

"All right."

Before he released her, he had one more request. "Promise me one thing, my dear Doctor Beverly."

"What?"

"No second thoughts or third thoughts or fourth thoughts," Picard-Odan's face had a knowing grin and he shook his head 'no' teasingly as he spoke.

Both of the individuals in the body holding her knew her too well. Three was most definitely not a crowd in this instance. She gave a chuckle. "Promise."


	2. Three's Company

THREE'S COMPANY

Beverly Crusher took a sip of her wine as she studied the man across the table speaking so animatedly about his day. In spite of the strangeness of the situation, she thought that Odan was proving to be a good influence on Jean-Luc. He was relaxed, laughing and smiling, even rolling his eyes during his recounting of the tests that the Trill physicians and Starfleet Medical had conducted. All of the senior staff, especially her, had been subjected to extensive interviews with both Starfleet personnel and Trill representatives. Picard-Odan had been put through rigorous medical testing as well as investigative and psychological interviews. Throughout the process, she had been spending quite a bit of her off-duty time with him. It was hard to imagine Jean-Luc Picard enjoying a leisurely picnic on the holodeck and yet Picard-Odan had even dozed off while lying beside her on the blanket. He was still Picard; Odan had simply relaxed him, bringing out that wild, impetuous side of him that he worked so hard to repress. She had all of the best qualities of her history with Jean-Luc combined with the love she shared with Odan all wrapped up in one man. If it were possible to artificially design the perfect relationship, she wasn't sure this could be improved on in any way.

One major change in Picard-Odan was discovered when they'd tried to go horseback riding one afternoon. Odan had never experienced that before and it was an activity that Jean-Luc found relaxing. Unfortunately, the rocking motion now made him physically ill. He'd been disappointed but with typical Jean-Luc stoicism had simply tugged on his uniform jacket and suggested a leisurely stroll. Odan had also decided that the taste of Earl Grey tea was simply vile. Jean-Luc had vetoed Balso tonic which was Odan's personal favorite. They were taste-testing other beverages to find one that they both liked. She knew it was hard on Jean-Luc, that he was struggling to redefine himself. He didn't say as much in words; it was in the quiet times and the way his hand sought hers, especially when something he'd always found comfort in no longer seemed the same.

"The Trill Symbiosis Commission are none too pleased with this situation," Picard-Odan was saying. "They're terrified of anyone finding out that humans have the potential to be more compatible hosts than our own humanoid population. Of course since they consented to the procedure without consulting me, they have no one to blame but themselves. All of the connections between symbiont and host are strong and stable, everything in perfect balance. Their conclusion is that it was an anomaly, that the two of us were able to merge more easily due to my experience with the Borg. It reduced the mental resistance that would cause the release of neurotransmitters associated with autonomic rejection syndrome, which is what they expected to happen. At least they've finally finished poking and prodding me like some sort of lab experiment so tonight I feel like celebrating."

"Not to put a damper on your festive spirit," Crusher began, "but this does mean you can't avoid getting your physicals anymore. We'll need to monitor your body chemistry closely."

He refilled both of their wine glasses and then stood, extending his hand to her. "Feel free to examine my body any time your heart desires, my precious Doctor Beverly."

She felt herself flush. The taunting grin on his face along with that low, sexy tone of voice left no doubt that his invitation carried an erotic insinuation. They hadn't been physically intimate since the night that Jean-Luc and Odan had permanently merged into one. It wasn't that she didn't want him and the reaction of his body during even the most innocuous of touches left no doubt about what he wanted. It was awkward enough when she was physically intimate with Odan through Jean-Luc's body, but now she would be physically intimate with Jean-Luc just as much as Odan. As before, he was waiting for her to take the first step and she just needed more time to get comfortable with this new man. She accepted his proffered hand and allowed him to lead her over to the sofa.

"You broke your promise," Picard-Odan noted.

"What promise?"

He nuzzled and kissed the inside of her wrist tenderly. "No second thoughts, remember?"

Crusher sighed. The down side to the combination of Jean-Luc and Odan was that the two together could read her like a book. "I was asked a question during Starfleet's investigation that I can't get out of my head."

He sat his wine glass down on the coffee table and turned back to face her. "You can ask me anything, Doctor Beverly."

"Od-Jean-Have you decided on a name yet?"

"The Trill experts have been encouraging me to start thinking of myself as a single entity as much as possible. According to their tradition, my name would be Jean-Luc Odan; however, that would make me Captain Odan assuming that Starfleet decides to return command of the Enterprise to me. In my sessions with Counselor Troi, it's become clear that I identify most strongly as Captain Picard. I can't just ignore an entire part of my new identity, but the solution that feels the least objectionable thus far is Odan Picard. I would still be Captain Picard and given the more limited number of people who referred to me as Jean-Luc, it would be the easiest transition."

"That makes sense," she said. "All right then, Odan, they asked me if I thought you-the symbiont you could have or might have intentionally allowed this situation to come about because of me."

"What was your answer?"

His response was carefully neutral, she never knew from one minute to the next if Jean-Luc or Odan was going to come out of his mouth. Fortunately she trusted both of them and slowly she could see the lines between them blurring. It was starting to not matter which one they sounded more like. "I told them that I didn't see any indication in your behavior of an internal struggle between Jean-Luc and Odan. Jean-Luc wouldn't let this happen willingly and he would have been aware of your intent. In the short time I've known the Odan symbiont, I can't imagine you doing something like that. I even recalled you telling me that Jean-Luc would be back to normal in another eighteen hours when your new host arrived."

He reached out to brush a stray wisp of hair away from her face. "Then why does that question still haunt you?"

"Would the premature merging have happened if you and I hadn't . . . ?"

Pulling her to him, he wrapped his arms around her. He gently stroked her hair. "I wish I could say yes if only to erase the hurt in those beautiful blue eyes. The truth is that I don't know."

Nestled snugly against his chest, her hand rested on his stomach where she'd implanted the symbiont. "Did HQ give you any idea of when to expect their decision on your command status?"

He shifted, crossing his legs. "Of course not. They have given me permission to undertake a diplomatic mission on my own."

Crusher smiled against his chest. She had felt his body respond to her just before he'd changed position. All it would take would be to move her hand down a short distance for them to take this relationship back to a physical level. Instead she moved her hand up further on his torso, snuggling deeper into his embrace. "Oh?"

"There are a couple of planets where I've negotiated disputes," he said. "One is not really important, I just try to check in on them from time to time. The other planet is more critical. They're reaching a milestone in the time frame that both sides agreed to in the resolution and I really need to check on their progress. Starfleet approved my request to take my yacht to make those visits. If memory serves, you have some leave time that you could use."

He was asking her to go away with him, to leave the relative safety net of the Enterprise and be alone with him. She thought about it for barely five seconds, reaching up to coax his mouth down to hers for a kiss. "Do you think acting Captain Riker will approve my request for leave?"

...

Crusher stowed their bags in the aft sleeping areas. After a lengthy internal debate, she put his bag in his compartment and hers in the guest sleeping compartment. Taking the captain's yacht meant a bit more space than a Type II shuttle which did take some pressure off. She felt silly for her nervousness, after all she was a widow with a grown son and a doctor. Odan had already seen her naked and Jean-Luc had known her for most of her adult life-she had seen him naked as a patient over the course of her service on the Enterprise. She had already had sex with Odan in Jean-Luc's body so her reaction felt somewhat ridiculous. She was hardly some innocent, young ingénue and yet there were butterflies performing aerial maneuvers in her stomach nonetheless. In many ways this was a new relationship in its early stages, the getting to know you part, even though they all three knew each other so intimately already. She entered the forward compartment just in time to see the Starbase and the Enterprise fading into the distance. "Where exactly are we going?"

"Our first stop is Sefalla Prime," Picard answered, "actually their largest moon. They colonized it about a century ago. The colonists established two base camps early on with the goal of merging the two camps into one large colony as they built up the infrastructure. Unfortunately, the two camps became separate colonies due to a long-standing feud that neither side can remember the origin of. Hostilities began increasing in recent years, leading to bloodshed. I was asked to negotiate a settlement and try to help the colonies complete the original plan of unifying. Unification is a long-range goal with several incremental goals to be attained along the way."

Sitting down in the navigator's seat beside the pilot's station, she watched him laying in coordinates as he spoke. She had seen him in civilian clothes more in the past couple of weeks than in the decades that she'd known him put together. She hadn't realized how flattering the uniforms were until then with their snug fit showing the sleek lines of his body, not that she'd made a habit of ogling Jean-Luc. It was just that the shirt he was wearing hung a bit more loosely across his torso, hiding the fit, virile body beneath. The pants were a bit more snug although not as flattering as his uniform trousers. Realizing that she was staring, she spun around to examine the navigational sensors as if they were displaying essential information. "How are you going to explain your appearance?"

"They don't know about my symbiotic nature, very few people outside of Trill society do. It's simply a part of who we are but it can be difficult for others to understand," he acknowledged. "This . . . my situation is forcing the Trill Symbiosis Commission to brief the Federation on all of our sentient population. At least that will allow for engineers to reprogram transporters to accommodate symbionts during transport; that will certainly make life much easier for joined Trill."

"A little late for some," Crusher remarked sadly. If they'd been able to transport Odan's previous host after the attack on his shuttle, she might have gotten to him in time to save him. Those precious minutes that they lost before Riker managed to dock back on the Enterprise had cost so much. She had wondered over the past couple weeks what might have happened if she'd been able to save him. Would he have stayed onboard the Enterprise as her husband or would she have left the Enterprise to be with him? How would she have dealt with finding out about the symbiont under different circumstances?

Picard extended his hand to her, tacitly inviting her to come to him. Settling her into his lap, he stroked his fingers across her cheek with tender understanding. "I've lived so many lifetimes that I sometimes forget how painful loss can be for humanoids. I'm sorry. It's touching to know that he mattered to you so deeply but I regret the pain you feel."

She nuzzled the palm of his hand. It was surreal to be comforted by Odan for the loss of the man she knew as Odan. The funny thing was that this was the second time Jean-Luc was consoling her after the loss of a man she loved. He always seemed to be there in the darkest hours of her life. His hand urged her mouth to his for a soft kiss. She deepened the kiss, parting her lips in invitation. His fringe of sparse, gray hair tickled beneath her palm as her hand slid around his head to hold him tightly against her lips. She could feel the response of his body beneath her hip and her own body flared in answer. When she found herself seriously considering the logistics of this behavior continuing in the pilot's chair, she broke the kiss and returned to the safety of the navigator's seat.

"I'm sorry, Doctor Beverly," Picard said. "I know you need more time and I didn't ask you to come with me for that reason; I assure you. I just . . . I'm lost. I don't know if I'm going to be Captain Picard any longer and without my Starfleet career, I don't know who I am or what I'll do. I needed to get away; I needed this trip but I really didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I asked you to accompany me because I needed your companionship and that's all I'm asking for. Holding you like that just felt so right, I allowed things to get out of control-"

"It takes two to tango," she interrupted his apology.

He shot her a wink and a grin. "Or three as the case may be."

...

The rest of their trip was spent in idle conversation including a hilarious experiment in performing a chemical analysis of Earl Grey tea and Balso tonic in an attempt to produce a beverage that combined the primary elements of each. Crusher wasn't sure she would have tasted it, but Picard had given it a try and promptly spit it out. Fortunately they both still enjoyed the taste of wine and Romulan ale-he'd brought a bottle of his precious stash along and they'd polished it off over dinner one evening. When they arrived, he'd introduced himself simply as a friend of Odan coming to check on their progress. Out of their Starfleet uniforms, they were merely concerned individuals stopping by as a favor to a friend since they were in the area. They landed the shuttle in the border region between the two colonies so that neither one had the 'honor' of hosting the guests. It was a much different approach to the situation than they would have taken if the Enterprise had come to check on them. Picard was different, well Captain Picard was using a different approach, it was probably the non-confrontational approach that made Odan such a skilled negotiator. Even having the inhabitants of the moons over Peliar Zel trade places to walk the proverbial mile in each other's shoes was a bit unconventional and yet had proven quite effective in achieving peace in the past. Where Jean-Luc commanded, Odan encouraged.

She took one last look in the mirror before heading to the galley to join him for breakfast. He was humming as he flipped one last pancake onto the stack he had already made. Gone were the days of a croissant and tea with sedate conversation. He still enjoyed a nice, leisurely breakfast to start the day, just more than a croissant with jam. She accepted the cup of steaming tea he handed her, sniffing at it. "What are we trying this morning?"

"Fanalian tea," he informed her, setting their plates on the table. He grabbed the utensils and syrup.

She picked up his cup of tea and followed him to the table. "Have you considered leaving the tea family and trying this beverage called coffee?"

"Bite your tongue," he chided good-naturedly. "There is something dignified about sitting down with a cup of tea that is simply timeless. There is a tea out there somewhere that my new taste buds will enjoy, I just need to find it. This one is certainly a contender, although there was also an entry in the replicator menu for a Fanalian toddy that I want to try as well."

It was good tea she had to admit. Taking another sip, it was easy to imagine herself having a cup of it every morning for years to come. It was rapidly getting easier to imagine spending those years with Odan Picard. "What's on the agenda today?"

Picard dabbed at his mouth with a napkin before he answered. "I'm taking a tour of the project that they're completing in this phase of the treaty. It's a joint mining operation, I didn't think that you'd want to be wandering around underground and looking at machinery so I arranged tours of their medical facilities if you're interested."

"I'd like that," she said. "Is there anything in particular you'd like me to assess?"

"I'd be interested in how equitable their facilities are," he suggested; "the quality of their equipment, the quantity of supplies, that sort of thing. This isn't an official Starfleet evaluation, just an informal visit to check on their progress. My primary concern is the vein of mineralogical resources that both colonies tapped into. That's what escalated their historic rivalry to bloodshed."

The mere mention of violence made her stomach turn. Losing Odan, the previous host anyway, had brought back the memories of losing Jack. Two men whom she had loved dearly and deeply had been taken from her through violence. She didn't think she could endure a third such loss. "Please be careful."

"I wouldn't have brought you with me if the hostilities were on-going," he assured her. "At least not without the Enterprise. I cannot imagine putting you in harm's way."

"If you get command of the Enterprise back, you may have to."

He sighed heavily. "I know, such is the burden of command. You are an incredible woman and I know that you don't need me to take care of you, but that doesn't deter me from wanting to."

'Or me from wanting you to,' she thought to herself. She had been alone for so long that she'd forgotten what it felt like to be taken care of. Obviously she didn't need it, she was capable of taking care of herself; it just felt wonderful to not have to. A cry of greeting from outside the yacht saved her from having to say anything. Their hosts had arrived.

...

Hitting send, Crusher stretched and checked the chronometer. She was curled up on the sofa in the main compartment of the yacht. Picard had called earlier to let her know that he would be busy with a project and would be late returning. While she waited, she had checked her messages, finding a communique from Troi ostensibly to forward a letter from Wesley at the Academy. The casual tone of the message belied its probing nature. Crusher had replied to thank Deanna for Wesley's letter and used the opportunity to fill her in on their location and the purpose of their visit. Everything was fine, she'd said. They would rendezvous with the Enterprise in a couple of weeks. In actuality everything was more than fine. She found herself waking up each morning eagerly anticipating the day. Hearing the hatch open, she laid the PADD aside and looked up, expecting to see Odan. Instead she saw a young man covered in grime and gasping for breath. Panic seized her. "What's happened? Where's O-Picard?"

"He sent me," the young man said breathlessly. "There's been an accident at the mine."

She rushed to the controls of the yacht, lifting off without bothering with the pre-flight. Under the young man's navigation, she maneuvered the yacht as close as she could to the mine entrance. The region was rocky, the mountains not allowing for anything bigger than an anti-grav loader within a kilometer of the entrance. Rapidly grabbing several emergency med-kits, she loaded the young man down with blankets and anything else she saw that might be useful. Unsure what she'd be dealing with, she was trying to cover any contingency. The medical facilities in the two colonies were adequate but hardly the state of the art facility she had in her Sickbay. Any seriously injured patients were taken to Sefalla Prime, assuming they survived long enough to make it there by shuttle. For Odan to send for her so urgently, the situation had to be beyond the colonists skills and resources. She'd experienced medical emergencies under worse circumstances in the past so she was confident that she could manage. Carrying as many med-kits as humanly possible, she followed the young man through the winding trail to the mine entrance. Inside, the first thing that she heard was Picard's commanding voice stridently giving orders, taking charge of the situation. It was a truly beautiful sound to her ears as she waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness enough to see. He had already spotted her and was making his way over to her by the time she saw him. She barely resisted the urge to throw herself into his arms.

"Doctor, a platform overlooking one of the shafts gave way," he told her. "Others were injured when they rushed to help. We've got the area stabilized for now. There are a couple dozen injured, some severely. Medical aid is on their way from the colonies, but you were closer."

"Can you get me more light?" Her relief at his being safe vanished as she began mentally assessing the medical emergency in front of her.

He gestured to several of the workers setting up large floodlights. "I've had the injured moved to this area. Water is on the way from the base camp. What else do you need?"

"Triage the injured with this," she shoved a medical tricorder at him. "The young man you sent for me has blankets, get some people to start covering the wounded. We need to keep them warm to prevent shock. I need to concentrate on stabilizing the most critically injured here so they can be moved to the hospitals and on to Sefalla Prime if necessary."

"Those two over there are in the worst shape as far as I've determined," he pointed to two men lying side-by-side.

One of the men had massive internal bleeding. The other man's legs had been crushed by falling debris. She checked the tourniquet cutting off the flow of blood from the femoral arteries. Satisfied that he wouldn't bleed to death in the next five minutes, she focused on the man who just might. This was hardly the place or conditions under which she would want to perform emergency surgery. Having seen the surgical capabilities of the nearest hospital, she knew his best chance was to be stabilized enough for the shuttle trip to the planet below. They could handle any infection later, right now she had to repair the primary damage to his internal organs.

"What about Helim?"

The question asked in a rough, accusatory tone from behind startled her. Without pausing in her work, she nodded toward the man with the crushed legs. "Are you talking about him?"

"Yes, why are you fixing Pravon first? They're both-"

"Helim is not going to die at the moment," Crusher assured him. "The tourniquets have stopped the bleeding for now."

"His legs . . . "

She finished the temporary repairs and closed the incision that she'd made, doing what she could to sterilize the area. Giving Pravon a hypospray of antibiotic, she scanned Helim's legs. This was one of the worst parts to being a doctor when all people wanted was a miracle worker. Triage in the field meant making tough decisions in order to save as many lives as possible. "There are a lot of injured and even if I had the time to devote to the repairs, I don't have the tools I need for vascular surgery. There's not much I can do; he's probably going to lose the legs."

"NO!"

Before she could even react to the vehement outburst, Picard was there. He restrained the man, holding him firmly but speaking softly to calm him. She took the opportunity to inject Helim with a sedative, he was semi-conscious but she didn't want him feeling any unnecessary pain. The fact was, whether she performed the amputation here or they waited until he was at a medical facility, the result would be the same. The yacht's replicator didn't have the schematics for micro-vascular surgical equipment and they didn't have anything nearly that advanced in either of the hospitals she'd seen that day. By the time they got him to Sefalla Prime, lack of blood flow would have caused the tissue to become necrotic.

"The other injuries are mostly broken bones and head injuries," Picard told her. "One man has a broken rib that's punctured his lung, but his breathing is stable. Is there anything you can do for Helim?"

She started to explain the situation and had an idea. "Earlier in the western colony I saw some artisans working on these incredibly intricate miniature mosaics. The tools they were using might just work for a vascular repair. How long would it take to get me a set?"

Picard thought. "I can get to the yacht, fly to the western colony and back. If I transport the tools directly to you, I won't need to waste time landing and getting back here on foot. Maybe an hour?"

Crusher scanned Helim and several of the men helping the wounded. "If I release the tourniquet, he'll start bleeding but it'll keep the tissue from necrotizing. I need you, him, him and him to give Helim blood to replace what he loses while we wait and while I perform the surgery. You four have compatible blood types to Helim here."

"They're westerners," the man fighting for Helim's legs argued.

"So are the tools needed to fix his legs," Picard reminded him softly.

The other men approached. "Does Pravon need blood?" one asked.

"Not at the moment," she said. "He's stable for now. We're wasting time, do I release the tourniquet or not?"

The westerners exchanged glances. The one who had asked about Pravon took off his shirt and sat down. "Release the tourniquet."

Picard nodded approvingly before rushing toward the mine entrance to get the tools.

...

Time seemed to stand still even though she knew that hours were passing. In the hour that passed waiting for the tools she needed to perform the surgery, she had taken a few minutes to treat the punctured lung and dispense painkiller to some of the more severe fracture injuries among the other wounded. With the help of the miners, she had also managed to create a crude operating room with a semi-sterile surgical field. She considered transporting him aboard the yacht, but micro-vascular repair on a moving shuttle, even with inertial dampeners on maximum, was a last resort. The other problem would be a blood supply. Here she had a long line of suitable donors all waiting for their turn to provide blood for Helim. Preparing and repairing as much of Helim's wounds as she could in advance, she wanted to be able to get right to the more intricate repairs as soon as the necessary tools arrived. It would also minimize blood loss for the young man; saving his legs wouldn't mean anything if he died in the effort.

By the time the tools materialized, the medical teams from the colonies were arriving. A doctor and nurse began assisting her, quickly sterilizing the tools and keeping the blood flowing steadily from one volunteer after another into Helim. The doctor began handing her the tools as she requested them, hesitantly asking questions as he watched her work. All around her they were moving patients onto stretchers to carry them out to vehicles that would transport them to the hospitals. She ignored the chaos, focusing on her patient and keeping up a running monologue on every step she was taking in order to educate the doctor about her technique. This surgery was basic and crude by her normal standards but more advanced than their current ability so teaching the willing student whom she had helping her meant others might benefit in the future. The tools she was using came from the colony so the only thing that she was really contributing to their medical capabilities was knowledge.

It was quiet when she finally applied the dermal regenerator to his skin. The only people left were those last few blood donors, the medical team assisting her and Picard. Everyone else had long since left. Watching the team prepare to move Helim, she took a long drink from the glass Odan handed her. He murmured for her to rest while he returned to the yacht and beamed her aboard. Some fresh air might be nice, but the kilometer walk seemed more like ten so she appreciated his suggestion. She nodded wearily at the enthusiastic accolades offered by the medical people about her surgery. The young man wasn't out of the woods yet. Recovery would take months but barring complications or infection, she was fairly confident that his legs would be fine. No one had died today; as good as it felt to save Helim's legs, the fact that no one had died was what made today the best kind of day any doctor could hope for.

Exhaustion hit her with the force of a tidal wave the second that she materialized inside the yacht. Picard was there and she was finally able to hold him, mindless of the layer of blood and grime covering them both. Those initial moments when she thought he'd been hurt and the relief that she'd had to put aside to take care of the injured were flooding back. Now, with everything over, all she wanted to do was have herself a good cry. All of her doubts, all of the fears that she was allowing to come between Odan and her felt like such a waste of time. After the events of the past weeks, it was ridiculous to not embrace every precious moment that she had.

"Well," Picard said drily. "If I don't get my command back, at least I know I can do disaster management or mining."

Closing her eyes, she rubbed her cheek against his. He was giving her a chance to pull back; trying to keep this moment from going too far given the emotionally draining surgery she'd just completed. She was filthy, covered in blood and beyond tired, maybe now wasn't the right time for a grand declaration of love. "Do you know what happened to the platform?"

His arm tightened around her shoulder briefly. "It wasn't deliberate. They've been having trouble with rock faces destabilizing around the platforms and equipment. The irony is that we were up on that platform looking at a modification I suggested based on a variation of Archimedes screw that might make the operation safe and more efficient. I only wish I'd known that particular feat of engineering when I was here before. It's funny, I never considered archaeology anything more than a hobby and certainly never thought it would solve a current problem. Once they get that built, it should eliminate these types of incidents."

Her head flew up when his words slowly registered beneath the fog blanketing her brain. She began fumbling for her medical tricorder. "You were-"

"Not seriously injured." He caught her hands, holding them in his and speaking in a soothing tone. "A few bruises when I leaped clear of the platform as it fell. None of my previous hosts have had the reflexes or agility that Captain Picard possesses. It's really quite exhilarating."

Pulling her hands away from his grasp, she cradled his head. Her eyes searched his, not caring any longer who was who in there. "I love you, Odan Picard. I need you, please."

He nuzzled the inside of first one wrist and then the other. "I have loved you and needed you since we met, my darling Doctor Beverly. As much as I would love to carry you to my bed and show you, we both need to clean up and sleep. I would rather not run the risk of you falling asleep during my display of adoration."

Laughing, crying and kissing him all at the same time, she allowed him to strip her clothes off and carry her into the sonic shower. They stood there, holding each other as the vibrations removed every trace of the past hours. Not bothering with clothes, they fell into his bed, their arms and legs intertwined and just slept. Three souls, two bodies and one heart.


	3. Immortality of the Soul

THE IMMORTALITY OF THE SOUL

Crusher closed the communication channel and sat back. Helim and Pravon had been transported to Sefalla Prime and both were doing well. She had slept with Odan; nothing else had happened, they'd both been exhausted after the day's events so they'd just slept. This morning she was questioning that step, however small it was. Yesterday had been physically and mentally demanding, mass casualties with emergency surgeries under primitive conditions. On top of that had been concern for Odan and Jean-Luc. What exactly was she doing here? Was she just trying to re-capture the brief time she had with Odan before the Peliar Zel incident? Sighing, she headed for the galley to face Picard and whatever expectations she might have given him with her declaration of love.

"Good morning," Picard said as he handed her a cup of tea.

"Fanalian tea again? You must really like this one," she noted. Taking a sip, she continued. "Both of the critically injured men were shuttled to the planet and are doing well."

Picard picked up their plates, omelets, and nodded for her to grab his cup of tea. "Very good, you did excellent work yesterday. As for the tea, I have developed a fondness for it. I may do more experimenting, but for the time being I believe I've found a suitable replacement for my Earl Grey."

The sense of deja vu' was oddly comforting even with the bit of role reversal. She'd had breakfast with Jean-Luc so many mornings that this scene of domesticity felt familiar and reassuring. Typically, she'd be the one introducing some variety in their breakfast choices but with the struggle for Jean-Luc to accept Odan as a part of himself, experimenting was really the only way for the two individuals to learn what they liked and disliked. He hadn't really talked about the frustration too much, but he had admitted to her that he felt lost at times. She knew he was hoping that this trip with just the two of them would help him; for her part, she was just looking for a balance between the relationship she'd had with Odan and the lifelong friendship she'd had with Jean-Luc. When she was with Odan Picard, she felt like she'd known him forever; she felt safe and warm and cherished. It was when she was alone with her thoughts that she questioned this strange relationship. The omelet was good and it occurred to her that she didn't know where his culinary interest had come from. Jean-Luc had grown up in a house without a replicator-his father disliking what he considered superfluous technologies. It stood to reason that Jean-Luc would have picked up some cooking skills, but she didn't really know enough about Odan's past to know if he knew how to cook.

"Things are progressing as well as can be expected," he was saying. "You saw for yourself that there's still a bit of an 'us' versus 'them' mentality among the colonists and yet they are managing to cooperate when necessary."

"Dislike is easier to get past than outright hatred," she observed.

He nodded in agreement. "True, they've competed with each other and what began as a rivalry grew disproportionately, but we were fortunate to intervene in the dispute before things got too far. The bloodshed that occurred in the past was mostly incidental, only a couple of skirmishes had been severe at that point. At any rate, they're on course with regard to their agreement so we're off to our next stop."

"Which is?"

"Trill, my region anyway," he clarified.

Crusher paused with a forkful of omelet halfway to her mouth. "I thought you said it was a planet you'd negotiated a dispute for."

"I did and I did," he said. "You noticed that most of the Trill you met during the investigation lacked brow ridges, sporting skin spots instead?"

She had wondered about that. Kareel, the woman who had shown up to serve as Odan's new host bore the same pattern of brow ridges that his previous host had. All of the other members of the Trill contingent lacked the ridges and had patterns of skin markings instead. "Yes."

"I belong to a small group of symbionts and humanoids native to a northern region of the planet. Generations ago when the mainland Trill discovered our symbiont population, they wanted us. They claimed it was because they felt that their Symbiosis Commission could do a better job of shepherding us than we'd done on our own. We had co-existed quite well for hundreds of years before that point so their arguments weren't well-received to say the least. The reality is that there are far more humanoid Trill who want to be hosts than they have symbionts available and we represented a fresh supply. I negotiated on behalf of our symbiont and native humanoid populations. That was the beginning of my diplomatic career, in fact. I like to keep in touch with my people, remember where I come from. Especially now when I'm still struggling with the balance between symbiont and host. Captain Picard is a very strong personality and while we're both reasonable enough to accept that we have to learn to live together, it's quite a negotiation to define the parameters. Right now, the only time we're of the same mind, completely comfortable in our own skin, is with you, Doctor Beverly. I thought perhaps introducing Captain Picard to Odan's origins might help us understand each other a bit better. It would also give you the opportunity to learn more about the Odan part of me given how well Jean-Luc and you know each other already."

Once again the combination of Odan and Jean-Luc had seen straight into her heart. "I'd like that."

...

The northern continent was entirely ringed by mountains. From their approach, the region looked desolate. When the yacht cleared the mountains, Crusher got her first glimpse of the beautifully lush, green interior. Small, gently sloping hills covered in wildflowers dotted the landscape. Waterways from small rivulets to a fairly large river wound around the landscape, some of them spanned by stone bridges. It was a wondrous hidden glen that immediately brought to her mind the story of Brigadoon. Picard piloted the yacht to a clearing near a small town at the base of one of the mountains. Even before they touched down, she could see people coming out to greet them.

Hanging back, she watched Picard greeting everyone by name as if he'd known them for years. Of course Odan had known them and they all seemed to accept his appearance with barely any hesitation. It made sense that a change in appearance for a symbiont would be a non-event for them, it happened all of the time. She wondered what it was like for Jean-Luc to suddenly know an entire population that he'd never met. Just as she was contemplating whether she should rescue him from the multitude of embraces that Odan was being caught up in, he turned and held his hand out to her.

"Doctor Beverly."

Everyone cleared away from him to give her easy access so she could join him. She smiled and nodded to those she passed. They were friendly, obviously curious but it felt more like a family reunion to her. He introduced her to several people there; she wasn't sure who carried symbionts and who didn't unless they all did or didn't. Otherwise there was no discernible difference in how they interacted with Odan, her or each other. Holding her hand, she walked side-by-side with him towards the town as he provided the townspeople with them the background on how he ended up in human form. If this place was anything like the colonies she'd lived in on Arvada III and Caldos, the story would be known by everyone within the hour. They went straight to a modest home near the town center and she realized that their welcoming party had slowly dropped away a little at a time. They reached the door of the house alone. Instead of knocking, Picard simply opened the door and gestured for her to precede him inside. Inside was cozy in a homespun way. The furnishings were very traditional and looked hand-crafted. Pictures on the walls showed a family growing through the years and she realized that the young man growing to adulthood in those pictures was Odan's previous host. This was his home.

"Adar," Picard called out.

"I'm coming," came a voice from the next room. "I was just tending to dinner."

Crusher heard footsteps shuffling up the hallway and then saw an old woman appear in the doorway. She was the woman in the pictures with Odan's previous host, his mother most likely. It had been a long time since she'd been introduced to a man's mother; although in this situation she wasn't sure what the appropriate thing to say would be. The woman had lost her son yet the way she went to Odan and embraced him, there was clearly still a connection there. In discussing his name, he'd referenced Trill traditions so there was likely a fairly intricate system of traditions that dealt with these types of situations. It would have been nice if either Odan or Jean-Luc had thought to brief her on the cultural niceties in advance, but given the internal negotiations going on with the two of them she supposed it had just slipped his mind.

"Beverly," Picard said. "I'd like you to meet Adar. Adar's host is-or rather was the mother of my previous host. Before I was joined with her son, I was joined with her husband so we've known each other a very long time. Actually Adar and I were spawned together so the symbiont part of her and I have always known each other. Over the generations we've been husband and wife, sisters, brothers, mother, father and platonic friends. Pretty much any relationship you can have with another individual, we've had."

"Hello," she smiled, still not sure exactly what to say. That introduction hadn't really helped much.

Picard and Adar walked over to where Crusher stood. He put his arm around her. "I know this must be difficult. It's never seemed nearly as complicated to me until I viewed this way of life through Captain Picard's perspective."

"We live, we laugh and we love," Adar said. "It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that."

"I'm sorry about your son," Crusher began. "I didn't know him long and I wish I could have saved him. I did everything I could."

Adar held her hand, rubbing the inside of her wrist in a reassuring gesture. "Thank you, dear but he's still here. He was assured of immortality the day he joined with Odan. A part of him will live forever, joining all of the hosts who have shared a life with Odan since the very first host. That is the reward for accepting a symbiont to share a life with, to experience every lifetime that has come before you and to be a part of every lifetime after."

...

Crusher held the stretch pose and took a deep breath, feeling the muscles work. Odan and Adar had spent half the night reminiscing about previous lifetimes. While it was probably very helpful for Jean-Luc, she had ended up feeling like a third wheel-or fifth wheel technically. It had helped her understand Odan's view of this way of life. To Adar and him, the symbionts and humanoids were all one population. They had spoken of symbionts, their hosts and unjoined humanoids as individuals, if neither of them specified what type of individual they were referring to, it was impossible to tell from the context of their reminiscing. She wondered if Odan felt left out or jealous at all when Jean-Luc and she were talking; Jack, Wesley's birth, and various adventures on the Enterprise were just some of the decades of memories that they shared. At least Odan could see and feel Jean-Luc's memories of those events, he could share in them after a fashion. Odan had included her in the conversation, but listening to two people talking about old times, especially two symbionts talking about a multitude of lifetimes, she had eventually excused herself to go to bed. Listening to the two of them talking and laughing, a slight twinge of jealousy had shot through her. In the light of morning, surrounded by a beautifully landscaped garden she tried to gain some perspective. She shifted to a different position and wished Troi were here for one of their talks while they worked out. Odan wouldn't have brought her if Adar represented a romantic rival, but it may have been Jean-Luc who wanted her to come along more than Odan. What she'd had with Odan had barely been the blink of an eye compared to what he'd shared with Adar. Just when things started to fall into place mentally and emotionally with Odan Picard, someone went and turned off the inertial dampeners.

"It's been many years since I could bend myself into that position," Adar chuckled.

Nearly straining several ligaments when the old woman's voice startled her, Crusher released the position and stood. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. I hope you don't mind my using your beautiful garden for a workout."

"Not at all, dear," Adar assured her. "In fact, Odan mentioned your interest in herbal remedies. I'd be happy to show you some of the medicinal herbs I have growing here. Over the centuries I've become something of a healer; I've even been a doctor in one lifetime."

"I'd like that."

The old woman held out a cup of hot, dark liquid. "Odan said to tell you that this is very similar to what you call coffee."

She accepted it and took a sip. "Thank you. Where is he? I didn't see him this morning."

"The cemetery," Adar sat down on a nearby bench with her own cup. "It's important for us to pay our respects to the individual who shared a life with us whenever possible. Under the circumstances, Odan was unable to be present for the burial; if Kareel had been his new host, they would have accompanied the body home. He sent a message back with Kareel asking us to delay marking the grave with the zhian'om so that he could do it himself when he was able to visit."

Crusher sat down beside her on the bench. "Zhian'om?"

"The symbol that marks the grave of a past host. The symbol is personalized to each symbiont so that anyone looking at the grave marker knows not only that they were joined but with whom they were joined. It is a mark of respect and gratitude. We symbionts try to carve the mark onto the gravestone ourselves whenever possible as a way to mark the passing of that life and the beginning of another. I will be carving my mark on yet another grave before too long."

The doctor in her reacted immediately, her medical tricorder was in her bag upstairs. "Are you sick?"

Adar held her hand to prevent her from standing. "I'm old, dear. My host is reaching the end of her life; I've been through this often enough to recognize it. Today I must meet with prospective host candidates."

"Forgive me for asking but does the host choose you or do you choose your next host?" The intricacies of this culture were intriguing. She was curious to understand how the process worked.

"Both in a way," Adar answered. "Individuals who know me and wish to join with me come to see me. They tell me why they feel that we would blend well. I talk with them and choose the one I am most comfortable with, ideally anyway. Sometimes it's not possible as with the situation between Odan and your Captain Picard. The prospective candidates that I have scheduled to meet with today are being sent by the Symbiosis Commission. Our local people don't need an appointment to come visit with me."

"Is that part of the deal that Odan negotiated with the Symbiosis Commission?" She recalled him explaining the rift between these Trill and those on the mainland. Adar had the same distasteful inflection when she mentioned the commission that Odan used. Obviously neither symbiont had any fondness for them.

Adar finished her drink before she responded. "Yes. Under the terms of the deal, we are free to choose our own hosts but we agree to give respectful consideration of host candidates submitted by the commission. They're hoping that we might connect with one of their people and agree to join their society."

"You don't want to?"

"Not by their rules," Adar said. "With them, the host is completely dominant, their career paths, their interests, the life they choose. The Symbiosis Commission makes sure that only the prospective host candidates with the strongest personalities pass their initiation. The symbionts are treated as little more than memory storage devices, expected to be grateful to watch the world unfold vicariously through the people they exist in. To watch life happen but never being able to live for all eternity is a fate worse than death. They even have a ban on reassociating. Can you imagine living a hundred lifetimes but never being allowed to love for more than the limit of one lifetime? They consider it unnatural. How can it be unnatural to love? By their rules, Odan would not have been allowed to continue loving you even if his new host was agreeable to the relationship. Odan and I have loved through many of our hosts' lifetimes and will likely love through many more."

All of the progress that she'd made in understanding and accepting this symbiotic way of life suddenly fell apart. The disdainful way that Adar talked about the rules made this feel much darker and more foreboding than Odan had made it sound. How much control did Jean-Luc have over his life? Was he being completely subjugated by Odan's personality? Odan was sweet and gentle, his negotiations all had a very non-confrontational theme of understanding and acceptance to them. Was that just a manipulation? Was he lying to her about the equal balance between host and symbiont? She needed some answers, but not from Odan or Adar. For Jean-Luc's sake, she needed answers from the Symbiosis Commission. "Would you tell Odan that I'll be back later and not to worry?"

...

She saw him sitting near the clearing where he'd landed the yacht when they had first arrived, waiting for her. Carefully maneuvering the yacht, she set down scant meters from him. She opened a panel to retrieve something before going to face him. After spending the day engaged in discourse with experts at the Trill Science Ministry, she didn't have the answers she needed but she did know how to get them. The second the hatch opened, he was standing there. Which him and why were what she needed to be sure of.

"When Adar gave me your message," he said, reaching for her wrist to place a kiss on it. "I assumed you'd taken a walk. I went looking for you and noticed that my yacht was missing. Is everything all right?"

Crusher pulled her arm out of his grasp and put some distance between them. "What do you want with me?"

"Doctor Beverly?"

"Don't, just don't call me that right now. I need you to be straight-forward and completely honest with me; no sweet talk. Why am I here?" She resisted the urge to pace so that she could watch his face for any clues that might help her.

He started to walk toward her only to stop and take a step back. Holding his hands out in a calming gesture, he perched himself on a storage compartment. "You're here because I asked and you said yes. If you're asking me why I asked in the first place, it was because Captain Picard needed your companionship and Odan can't bear to be away from you."

"What about Adar?"

Confused, he shook his head. "What about her?"

"She's dying, her host is and the symbiont is looking for a new one so the two of you-or four of you-can love through another lifetime. Do you love me or am I just a suitable prospective host candidate for Adar? I will not-

Now he did rush to her, holding her by the arms and forcing her to look at him. "I love you, Doctor Beverly, just exactly the way you are. Regardless, I would never permit you to undergo an implantation under anything except the most dire circumstances and there is nothing about Adar's imminent death that qualifies. I chose this for myself, not for anyone else. There's no reason to think that such a joining would even work in another non-Trill humanoid. Not even all Trill humanoids are capable of joinings. It never even occurred to me and even if it had, it would be entirely too dangerous. Is that why you took off? Did you really think that . . . Odan wanted to join you with Adar and that Captain Picard would agree to this insanity?"

He was saying all of the right words, but she still wasn't sure who was talking and that was part of the problem. "Adar told me why you don't like the Symbiosis Commission. Their rules are too restrictive. The rules they put in place to protect their humanoid population from being turned into walking, talking shells for your pleasure. I went to talk to experts from the Science Ministry to learn more about the connection between the host and symbiont. I needed to know if Jean-Luc was still in there and capable of exerting any control in his own body."

"I see." He reached to tug on his jacket except he wasn't wearing his uniform so his hands smoothed the fabric of his shirt down instead. "What did you learn?"

"I need to scan you," she said in lieu of an answer. "I'm asking you to go into the medical bay and lay down on the biobed."

Nodding, he immediately moved to comply with her request. "Very well."

Crusher breathed a sigh of relief, reaching back to make sure the phaser she'd tucked into her waistband was secure. It would stay there, within easy reach until she was satisfied with her answers and this was over, one way or another. She followed him into the infirmary.

"Do you need me to take my shirt off?"

"Yes, please." She retrieved the equipment that she would need and placed it on a tray near the bed.

He stretched out with his hands clasped behind his head. "May I ask what you're scanning for?"

She activated the biobed scanners and entered a series of commands. Waiting for the results, she answered his question. "According to what I've learned, there is a neurotransmitter in Trill physiology called isoboramine that regulates the link between host and symbiont. Human physiology is not capable of producing that specific neurotransmitter. Since the joining, Jean-Luc's brain has been producing a combination of neurotransmitters along with increased fibrogenic activity that is a close approximation of what happens in Trill. If his brain were under stress, it would produce a corticotropin-releasing hormone that would likely alter that biochemical balance between host and symbiont."

"I've been scanned, poked, prodded and everything else the medical community could devise to torture me with for the past two weeks," he reminded her gently.

"I'm doing it again," she commented tersely. The scanner beeped and she reviewed the results. "The Symbiosis Commission gave me a copy of their scans of you following the joining so that I could compare the current levels with their readings. No change in neurotransmitter levels and CRH levels are lower than they were."

Picard started to sit up. "Does that relieve your doubts?"

Nudging him back down, she said. "Not entirely, I have a couple more tests that I'd like to perform."

"Whatever your concerns, Doctor Beverly, I want you to have no doubt about me, about us. Conduct whatever tests you wish."

She didn't want to have doubts, she wanted to lose herself in this perfect relationship with this perfect man, unusual though it and he were. To feel like the most important person in someone's life was something she hadn't felt since Jack. After nearly twenty years, it seemed like she was meant to live without that feeling. To be given a second chance at love was something she really wanted but not at the expense of a friend. "Next is a measure of brain wave patterns. If there are truly two equally functioning brains, there should be two brain wave patterns of equivalent amplitude. I accessed the Enterprise's computer for records of Jean-Luc's brain wave patterns from his last complete physical for comparison."

"More than a year and a half ago," he noted. "We both know you never miss an opportunity to chide me about getting those things every year."

Pretending to ignore the comment also meant not smiling at his very accurate statement about the four years of her badgering him to get his physicals. She'd managed two complete physicals in those years and taken advantage of assorted injuries to perform most of the tests she needed to document in the interim. "Some change in Jean-Luc's pattern but the amplitude is strong. I'm also reading a strongly differentiated pattern from the symbiont."

"Of two minds," he chuckled. "Confucius would be questioning my wisdom."

Crusher held up a small device. "I need to talk to Jean-Luc," she said. "Without Odan. This is a neural caliper. When activated, it suppresses brain activity causing unconsciousness. Based on what I've learned today, I think I should be able to calibrate it to suppress a specific brain wave pattern."

"Odan," Picard stated.

"It's the only way I can be sure that Jean-Luc is a willing partner in this."

He sat up and gently nudged her chin up to look at him. "You understand that the only alternative to 'this' is his death. Odan can be implanted in a new host; Captain Picard will die."

"A fate worse than death was how Adar described being trapped in a body with no control," she told him. One of her hands slid around to the small of her back. "Jean-Luc would agree. At least this way he'll be able to tell me what he wants even if what he wants is for me to kill him. I know you love me, Odan and I love you. I won't choose you at the cost of Jean-Luc's freedom. Even assuming he's an equal part of this blending, if our love is making him uncomfortable-"

"It's not," he interrupted.

She blinked away tears and continued. "If it is, then it's not fair to him. I need to know; I need to talk to Jean-Luc."

Picard reached for the hand holding the caliper and nuzzled the inside of her wrist. "Duty first as I would expect of my Chief Medical Officer and a member of my senior staff. Make it so."

...

It took five tries to achieve the exact calibration that suppressed Odan's brain activity to her satisfaction without affecting Jean-Luc's. Finally, the symbiont was in an induced coma and would remain so until she turned off the neural caliper that rested on Picard's abdomen over the symbiont. She took a deep breath and met Jean-Luc's eyes. "Well, we're alone."

"So we are," he replied. "For the record, I have no wish for Odan to be removed. I certainly did not expect to have this turn of events become permanent and I'm not certain that I would have undergone the implantation if I'd known that it would be. Circumstances being what they are, I am adjusting. I do have control of my body and my life, albeit shared control. Nothing has been done without my consent."

Was it her imagination or was there a special connotation to his last statement? "How much of what you do and say is you versus Odan?"

"That depends on the situation," he answered truthfully. "In the interviews with Starfleet, I was in control and in interviews with the Trill, he was. In our meetings with the colonists, he was in primary control. I made the suggestion of the Archimedes screw when they were showing us the mine and pointing out where they were having problems. Odan deferred to me in drawing up the schematics and explaining how to implement it. When the platform collapsed, he stepped back entirely. He's accustomed to dealing with interpersonal conflict but handling a disaster of that magnitude was beyond anything he'd dealt with in his entire existence. We actually make a good team, both of us aware of our strengths and weaknesses. It is beginning to feel like those assets and deficiencies are merging. What I mean is that it's getting difficult to remember whose knowledge, skills and abilities are mine versus one of Odan's previous hosts. He is the sum of every life he's lived, every experience of every host he's ever had and now I'm becoming part of that whole. It's really quite an experience. I've devoted my life to exploring new places and seeking out new life. Learning about new life forms is one thing, being given the opportunity to see the world through their eyes is a different matter entirely. I have experienced life through the eyes of a Vulcan during my mindmeld with Sarek, then through the eyes of the Borg and now through the eyes of a symbiont hundreds of years old not to mention the life form from the Beta Renner cloud." Pausing, he chuckled. "I believe I understand some of Counselor Troi's recent concerns a bit better. I seem to have made a habit of being possessed by alien life forms."

"Jean-Luc," she sighed.

"Poor choice of words," he acknowledged. "Our encounter with the Beta Renner cloud was an accident, I temporarily shared my mind with Ambassador Sarek, I was assimilated by the Borg and I am sharing my life with a Trill symbiont. Would I want Odan to be removed if it were possible to do so without killing either one of us? Without question. Would I rather die than share the rest of my life with Odan? Absolutely not."

A breath she didn't realize that she'd been holding released. Jean-Luc was content with the situation even if he wasn't happy with it. She wouldn't have to kill her best friend today. There was still one more issue that she needed to clear up. "What about . . . ?"

He shifted uncomfortably on the biobed. "As I said, nothing has happened without my consent."

"I'm going to need more than that."

Sighing heavily, his hands moved to cup the neural caliper on his stomach almost protectively. "This strange situation is like someone's idea of a bad joke. Twenty years ago, this . . . a romantic relationship with you would have been a dream come true for me."

Crusher double-checked the brain wave readings to reassure herself that Odan was completely dormant. She was speaking with Jean-Luc even if his words seemed alien. "I guess I always knew there was something between us, right from the start. I had no idea how strongly you felt. Why didn't you ever tell me that you were in love with me?"

"You were married to my best friend. At first, I thought it was nothing more than a harmless infatuation, something more hormonal than emotional. As we spent more and more time together, I began to feel that it could be something deeper. It wasn't right and I knew that I would never act on it, but I couldn't help the way I felt."

She sat on the edge of the biobed, her legs suddenly feeling unsteady. "And when Jack died, you felt guilty. That's why you didn't want me on the Enterprise four years ago."

Staring at his hands, he gave a curt nod. "I didn't know how I would react and those first months were somewhat awkward, but gradually I found that I didn't feel that way anymore. Twenty years is a long time and whatever spark I may have felt back then was simply gone. Your friendship is priceless to me, Beverly. My feelings for you are deep and tender, but the passion that Odan feels for you is stronger than anything I might have felt for you in the past."

"Is this romantic relationship what you want or is it what you think I want?"

He reached for her hand and held it in his. "It's what I want for you and what I think Jack would want for you. I'm not being entirely selfless about this decision. As I said, Odan carries very strong, passionate feelings for you. I've only tasted this kind of real passion a few times in my life, a spark that made me feel young and alive again."

"Vash." It was a statement, not a question.

"There was a brief moment when Q returned us from his little fantasy where I contemplated asking her to stay, to find a way for her to fit into my world. She didn't want that; she chose to leave and explore the galaxy with Q. You fit in my life, in my world, Beverly, but you deserve more than to just fit. You make Odan feel alive and he truly loves you. Being a part of that feels right in a way that I'm not sure I can explain. It's like he's a missing piece to a puzzle. I still don't quite understand how adding a sentient being with hundreds of years of life experience to me can make me feel younger and yet he does, especially when we're with you."

Every doubt, every fear simply evaporated. All three of them were getting what they wanted and needed from this strange sort of menage a trois. More importantly, Jean-Luc was not a prisoner of this situation; he was still himself. She had learned more about her history with him in the past few minutes than she'd even suspected over the past two decades. With the neural caliper still active, she leaned forward and kissed Jean-Luc. "Ready for your other half to return?"

Covering the caliper with one hand, he forestalled her. "I have a favor to ask and I need you to know who you're granting the favor for."

"Anything."

"Don't tell anyone about this," he requested. "Being able to send the symbiont into a dormant state, I mean. If Starfleet were to discover that it was possible to essentially place the symbiont into a sort of stasis without killing either of us, they might look for a way to make it permanent as a condition of returning my command. I could not accept my captaincy back at that price. Odan has done nothing to deserve that type of imprisonment. I made this decision and I am prepared to live with the consequences. We are slowly learning to work as a single entity and I am still very much the Captain Picard I have always been. I am asking you to not disclose this use of the neural caliper to anyone."

De-activating the caliper, she watched Odan's brain waves slowly increase as he regained consciousness. "It'll be our secret."

...

Every touch, every smile, every little gesture seemed to take on new meaning after her talk with Jean-Luc. Even the walk back into town seemed shorter, the quiet stroll hand-in-hand with Odan ending far too soon. Back at the house, Kareel had joined them for dinner. She would become Adar's new host when the time came. Kareel and Adar were even talking about applying to Starfleet, grilling both Picard and Crusher about Earth, the Academy and courses of study. With her previous experiences in healing and medicine, Adar was interested in pursuing a biological sciences track. Kareel was more interested in diplomatic relations and Picard's description of First Contact teams had her enthralled. It was easy to see why Kareel had been sent to become Odan's new host. At any rate it had been a very relaxed and enjoyable dinner. They decided to take the Fanalian toddies that Odan had replicated for them all to try after dinner out into the garden. It was a beautiful evening with a blanket of stars providing a twinkling backdrop for the large, full moon.

"Will you be staying long, Odan?" Kareel asked.

His arm casually draped across Crusher's shoulders, he sighed. "Unfortunately, no. Beverly's leave will be over soon so she'll need to get back to the Enterprise and I'm hoping that Starfleet will make a decision about me before too much longer. We'll head back to the ship day after tomorrow. Tomorrow I want to complete the zhian'tara and I was hoping that Beverly would join me."

Kareel and Adar exchanged glances.

"That's a bit unusual, isn't it?" Adar asked.

Crusher looked from Odan to the other two women. "Zhian'tara?"

"It's the Trill rite of closure," Odan explained. "It gives a new host the chance to meet with the previous hosts of their symbiont. The tradition is valuable in giving faces and personalities to the memories and experiences that each new host acquires during the joining. It's a way to better understand the sum total of who the symbiont is that you've just merged with. In this situation, with a host so completely unprepared for the joining, the zhian'tara is even more important. Normally this is a ritual undertaken alone, but we would both like to have you there if you are comfortable with it."

She wasn't sure if she fully understood what this ritual meant. Given the surprise expressed by Adar and Kareel, she knew that his request to include her was more than unusual. For some reason it felt like Odan was offering to bare his soul to her. "I would be honored, thank you.

...

Early the next morning after a large breakfast, Crusher followed Picard along a small yet well-worn trail along the base of the mountain. It was chilly, the sun was just coming up over the mountains as they walked in a comfortable silence. He had confided in her the night before that he was nervous about the ritual. Odan had been through it many times, they would be old friends to him; to Captain Picard, however, they would be strangers. For a man as private as Jean-Luc, the prospect of this process was uncomfortable. At least with her there, he wouldn't feel as alone. They entered a crevice and from the algae she could see on the rock walls, she was pretty sure that there was a hot spring further back. Feeling steam wash over her face, they emerged into an incredible underground chamber. Glistening stalactites covered the ceiling and a rainbow of multi-colored algae created a soft carpet all around a large pool. A muted light emanated from the stalactites and stalagmites throughout the chamber, most likely a phosphorescent element in the rock. Whatever the source, it was an breath-taking, ethereal place.

"We'll need to disrobe," Picard said, already discarding his jacket and kicking off his boots. "I probably should have mentioned the nudity before you agreed to be here."

"You think?" She just grinned and shook her head. With one thing after another since they'd landed here they still hadn't been physically intimate. She felt more emotional intimacy with him than ever so the shared nudity wasn't really an issue. As warm as the chamber was, it felt good to shed her jacket although the sight of Odan stripping off his shirt was a momentary distraction from removing her own clothes.

Folding his clothes and placing them in a neat pile on the edge of the hot spring, he gingerly stepped into the warm water. "You should know that this is not how the zhian'tara is performed by mainlanders. This is the way we do it."

"What exactly is going to happen?" She accepted the hands he stretched out to help her into the pool. Together they waded to the center. The water felt wonderful, warm without being too hot. There was a viscosity to it that suggested more than just water, a buoyancy that created a sensation of being enveloped in a cocoon.

"I am going to release the essences of all of my former hosts into the pool," he explained. "Then we will simply talk. They will introduce themselves and share stories about their lives. Inevitably they all end up complaining about me, apparently they think I'm something of a rogue."

The expression on Jean-Luc's face when he made that last statement sent her into gales of laughter. "Are you sure you want me to hear this?"

Taking her into his arms, he lowered his face to hers for a long, deep kiss. "I want you to know me as well as you know Captain Picard."

With their naked bodies pressed together as they stood in the center of the hot spring, surrounded by soft lights and sparkling rock formations, she felt both of their bodies respond ardently. Given that they were about to be joined by quite a few more individuals, she forced herself to back away. Taking a deep breath, she tried to focus. "How is this different than what the other Trill do?"

"They release one essence at a time into the body of a friend or family member. Then the meeting and visiting occur. It's more controlled as with everything they do. Our way allows the essence of every previous host to interact for a brief time with other previous hosts; a family reunion of sorts. Are you ready?"

Nodding, she watched him close his eyes. Streaks of light shot through the water and idly she noted the bioelectric capabilities of the symbiont. The first host to emerge was like a physical blow, the man she had known, loved and lost as Odan. She should have realized that he would be here, it just hadn't occurred to her. He greeted Captain Picard warmly before turning to her. Self-conscious about embracing him in front of Odan and Jean-Luc, she placed her hand on his chest. There was some substance there, which took her by surprise. Not much substance, it felt like the same elasticity as the liquid in the hot spring and she realized that the form of each host was being produced by the combination of bioelectric energy and whatever substance comprised the fluid. It was like a mimetic reaction creating the image of each essence that Odan was releasing. The host she knew as Odan understood her in that moment just as easily as he'd seen through her defenses on the Enterprise. He gave her the warm smile she remembered and tenderly kissed the inside of her wrist before stepping back to allow the other emerging hosts to introduce themselves.

It was a family reunion in several ways; the host she'd known as Odan was the son of Odan's host before that so there was a touching father-son reunion. The last time they'd seen and interacted with each other was during Odan's last zhian'tara. There were both men and women among the group, laughing and each trying to one-up the other with stories about Odan. Even though these were probably stories that had been told a dozen times, to Crusher they were new and she listened raptly to everything they said. The oldest previous hosts had been through the zhian'tara many times so they were like old friends greeting one another. The newer previous hosts had only been part of the ritual a few times but everyone knew everyone else from their shared existence with Odan. At one point, watching Picard engaged in conversation with several previous hosts, she realized that one day he would be among this group meeting with Odan's next host and each host after that. A part of Odan and every life he lived after this one.

...

The next morning, Crusher finished moving her things into Picard's compartment onboard the yacht. They hadn't discussed living arrangements on the Enterprise yet, partly because they didn't know what his status would be. She was busying herself in the aft compartments, stowing their things in preparation for their return to the Enterprise. A communique had arrived from Starfleet and he had been involved in communications with several individuals for the past few hours. She had left a scone and cup of Fanalian tea sitting beside him, a silent but pointed suggestion for him to eat something. Having her own breakfast in the galley, she thought about everything she'd learned from Odan's previous hosts. Live well, laugh often and love much seemed to be the theme of his existence. Maybe humans put too much emphasis on 'getting it right'. Of course Odan essentially got a 'do-over' each time he was joined with a new host whereas humans had only one life to live; he got the benefit of experience. She looked up when he entered the galley, an empty tea cup and plate in his hands.

"Thank you for the breakfast," he said as he recycled the dishes.

"What did Starfleet want, if I can ask?"

He sat down across from her. "First, they received a request from the Trill government. They'd like to be sent copies of my medical records and any scans performed from here on out so they can monitor my condition. Starfleet agreed, your orders are to send those records to Starfleet Medical and they will be forwarded onto the Symbiosis Commission from there."

It wasn't necessary for them to discuss the use of the neural caliper. It wouldn't be documented in any logs or medical records so it went without saying that neither Starfleet nor the Symbiosis Commission would ever hear of it. "I'll see to it."

"The good news is that I have been given provisional command of the Enterprise back," he said.

"Provisional?"

Grimacing, he shrugged. "Starfleet received a request from the Klingons for my assistance with a situation at their Kriosian colonies. The Klingons are accusing the Federation of aiding rebel forces there. The High Council has assigned a special emissary, a man named Kell, to investigate the charges and he has asked that the Enterprise transport him there and that I be a part of the investigation. Under the circumstances, they didn't want to outright refuse an otherwise reasonable request and risk the findings going against the Federation without cause. The consequences of that would undermine every inroad we've made in relations with the Klingons since Khitomer. To hopefully prevent that, they have given me back command of the Enterprise but subject to conditions. Counselor Troi will be meeting with me regularly to assess my mental status, you will be conducting monthly physicals to assess my physical status and Commander Riker will be filing regular reports with Starfleet on my command performance. In short, it's a probationary command with a lot of strings attached but at least they're giving me an opportunity to prove that I am still me. I earned every single rank pip that I have so re-earning the respect that goes with them will not be difficult."

"Do the Klingons know about . . .?"

"It's not exactly a secret in the Federation," he sighed. "Fortunately Captain Picard has extensive experience with Klingons and Starfleet has assured them that I am still the man they know as the Arbiter of Succession. As Odan I've not had much interaction with them; the Trill ambassador with the most experience among Klingons was Curzon Dax who unfortunately died a few months ago. Ironically, his new host was already a Starfleet officer, a Trill who completed the Symbiosis Commission's initiate program so it was a planned joining. She's been working with the engineers re-programming transporters to accommodate symbionts, a bright young woman by all accounts. She did communicate with members of the Klingon High Council to reassure them about the symbiotic existence and how it affects the host. Apparently Dax is well-respected among Klingons, at least Curzon was because they didn't change their request for my presence. Anyway, we'll be setting course for the Enterprise at best speed. It should take just under three days to meet up with them. Commander LaForge is also scheduled to return from leave on Risa so we should all rendezvous at approximately the same time. After that, we'll pick up Emissary Kell and set course for Krios. He'll brief us on the situation enroute."

Less than three days to spend alone with him. Once they were back on the Enterprise things would change. Decorum would have to be observed on duty and in public. Everyone on the Enterprise already knew that Odan was now part of Captain Picard and that she'd been spending a lot of time with him after the joining. The gossip mill had most likely even managed to figure out that she'd been involved with Ambassador Odan prior to the incident at Peliar Zel. It wouldn't be a huge stretch for them to accept that she was now romantically involved with the captain. It would be harder for them to accept Odan Picard as captain. Senior staff would have to set the example for the rest of the crew. Life would be getting back to normal and yet changing drastically at the same time. She felt his thumb caressing the inside of her wrist and smiled back at him. As long as they were together, they could handle anything life threw at them.


	4. No Man or Woman is an Island

Author's note: I just realized when I uploaded this chapter that all of my scene breaks were gone with this chapter and for the first three. I apologize and after arguing with the document manager several times, I finally convinced it to let me break the story into scenes within the chapters.

NO MAN (OR WOMAN) IS AN ISLAND

(contains references to the TNG episode The Mind's Eye)

With a relieved sigh, Crusher finished reviewing the medical activity log for the two weeks that she'd been gone. There was nothing beyond the usual strains, sprains, minor illnesses and routine physicals in the carefully documented log that Dr. Selar had maintained. Officially caught up with everything that had happened in her department during her absence, she looked out through the windows of her office to survey Sickbay. Was it her imagination or did the two nurses talking near a biobed seem flustered when they noticed her noticing them? She wished she could chalk it up to paranoia but the simple truth was that she'd been drawing strange glances from a number of crew members since she'd returned from leave with Captain Picard. People who had just a month ago been making friendly inquiries about how Wesley was doing at the Academy suddenly couldn't even make eye contact with her much less hold a conversation. Their relationship was the talk of the ship; more specifically her relationship with Odan in the body of Captain Picard was the talk of the ship. Since there hadn't been any hint of a romance between Jean-Luc and herself before and everyone knew that they'd known each other prior to serving together on the Enterprise, their assumption was that it was the Trill symbiont she was involved with. Two hundred years ago the fact that they were from different races would have been beyond scandalous. Humanity was no longer concerned with such petty issues as inter-species relationships; the issue on everyone's minds and lips was the fact that there was a sentient being sharing the body of Captain Picard and no one was sure how much of Captain Picard was there versus Odan. The issue of her romantic involvement with him was just grist for the gossip mill.

"All caught up from your leave, Dr. Crusher?" Alyssa Ogawa poked her head into Crusher's office.

Ogawa had been one of the few people who hadn't behaved any differently toward her following the recent turn of events. Of course she'd also been the only person other than Troi and Picard who knew about her relationship with Odan prior to implanting him in Captain Picard. Crusher gave the nurse a big smile. "Finally."

"Any plans tonight?"

From anyone else, she might have wondered if there was an ulterior motive behind that question. From Ogawa, it felt like blessedly normal, routine small talk between the two of them. "Poker game with the senior staff. You?"

"Poker game of my own," Ogawa answered. "Good luck in yours tonight. See you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Alyssa. Good luck to you, too; see you tomorrow."

...

The poker game was a regular event and had been from the beginning. Tonight it felt more like an interrogation. She'd known that they would have questions, she just didn't expect to have to answer to all of them at once. A casual conversation with Troi during one of their regular workouts was what she thought would happen. Apparently Riker wasn't satisfied with the idea of second-hand answers even if they were being relayed by an empath. The last time she'd felt this uncomfortable was when the senior staff had met to discuss Picard's odd behavior which ultimately was explained by the fact that he'd been replaced by an alien doppelganger. At least this time she was certain who was who and what was what. She didn't have to choose between her loyalties here.

"Did you learn anything about the Trill during your visit to their homeworld that might shed light on this?" Riker asked.

"I learned a lot about Odan," Crusher answered truthfully. "All of it corresponds to what the Trill representatives have told us and what Captain Picard has been saying."

Riker stroked his beard in obvious consternation. "Doctor, we are heading toward the middle of a very delicate situation with the Klingons. I have trusted Captain Picard with my life and would do so again. I would follow Captain Picard's orders without question."

"But not Odan," she noted softly.

"No," was his equally soft confirmation. "We know virtually nothing about him; the Federation didn't know that sentient symbionts even existed in Trill society until after Peliar Zel. He hid his very nature from us whether because he didn't think we'd understand or he didn't think we'd approve. I can't trust someone like that."

Pacing in one corner of the room, Worf growled. "Trill have no honor."

As much as she wanted to defend Odan in that moment, they did have a point. The Trill had concealed the existence of the sentient symbionts and the joined nature of a portion of their population. The joined Trill diplomats, not just Odan but Dax as well, had interacted with other races and willfully concealed their symbiotic existence. Regardless of their reasoning, that had been their choice and now that the secret was out, people were feeling betrayed. She had felt betrayed. There had been senior staff meetings during which Odan had explained and apologized following the merging with Captain Picard. While she had accepted Odan's explanation and his apology, the others weren't ready to just yet. "Then trust Captain Picard," she urged. "He's still the man-the captain-that he's always been."

Riker stared at her intently. "Is he?"

"Will, I've run every test I could think of and even invented a couple based on information I got regarding the physiological connection between host and symbiont during my time on the Trill homeworld. There is absolutely no evidence of conflict, struggle, coercion or dominance of any kind. Every test result points to a balance between the host and symbiont, two minds working as a single entity." She had sworn secrecy regarding the use of the neural caliper so the others would never know that she had been able to talk directly with Jean-Luc, but that brief conversation gave her complete confidence in the results of the tests that she'd run.

"I'd like Commander Data to review those results," Riker said.

For once in her life she was grateful for every millimeter of her nearly 173 centimeters of height. She stood up, drawing herself to her full stature. Riker was a tall man even by human standards, he had a good twenty centimeters on her, but being able to meet his gaze squarely without having to crane her neck conveyed a strong sense of formidability. "Are you questioning my judgment now, Commander Riker?"

"No, just your objectivity. You do have a conflict of interest here, Doctor."

Glancing around the room, she saw no support. Worf was clearly behind Riker. LaForge was waiting for her answer, not blatantly on Riker's side but not on hers either. Troi could feel her sense of betrayal but she also knew about the preexisting relationship with Odan prior to the transfer of the symbiont into Picard. Data was simply viewing the discussion as an information exchange, he probably didn't even understand the insult Riker had just hit her with. "Then you're questioning my loyalty to Jean-Luc or do you really think that I would willfully ignore even the slightest indication of distress on his part in favor of Odan? I have known Jean-Luc for nearly two decades. His friendship means a lot to me and I would never betray him or that friendship for anything."

"I'm not suggesting that you would intentionally betray the captain," Riker argued. "I'm just not sure how persuasive this Odan can be. We know almost nothing about these symbionts or any extra abilities they might have. Given how Orion and Deltan pheromones affect human males, how do we know that these symbionts aren't capable of producing a pheromone that affects human females? The two of you got pretty cozy pretty quickly."

"You're out of line, Will," Crusher's response was terse. Her palm itched to slap him, but he was still a superior officer and her relationship with Picard wouldn't help her in a court martial.

Troi moved to ease the two of them apart. "Beverly."

She knew what the counselor was saying or, more to the point, what Deanna couldn't say without her permission. Picard had to win back the hearts of his senior staff before he could win back the respect and unquestioning loyalty of his crew. Personal embarrassment aside, secrets wouldn't help anything. "It wasn't as quick as you think, Commander. I was involved with Odan before we even arrived at Peliar Zel. We were keeping it discreet because it was nobody else's business. After Odan's previous host was killed and I implanted him in Captain Picard, we . . ."

"Picked up where you left off," Riker noted somewhat sardonically.

"With Captain Picard's consent," she gritted out through clenched teeth.

"Or so he says," Riker retorted.

Troi placed a hand on Riker's chest. "I have Captain Picard's permission to respond to senior staff concerns about his mental status without disclosing any specific issues that we discuss in our sessions. I can verify that Captain Picard is very much present in Odan Picard and that he is a willing part of their relationship with Beverly."

Riker looked down at the counselor. "Can you tell how much mental control the symbiont is wielding over the captain?"

Crusher answered his question. "I already have in several ways. I've checked his neurotransmitter levels for any suggestion that his mind is under stress. Nothing, his brain isn't producing any of the neurotransmitters or neurohormones that would be autonomically produced as a result of stress. I also ran a brain wave scan which showed two distinct and discrete centers of activity, one localized to Captain Picard's brain and the other to the symbiont. I compared Odan's brain wave pattern with symbiont brain wave patterns provided by the Symbiosis Commission on Trill. There was no indication of any anomaly between his brain activity and the brain activity of symbionts joined with willing hosts. I also compared the readings from Captain Picard with brain scans that I've run prior to the joining. There are some differences in both amplitude and pattern, but those differences are primarily in the parietal lobe. In simplest terms, that's the part of the brain that integrates sensory information. There is additional activity in the frontal lobe but the brain activity specific to the association areas of the brain which controls perception, thought and decision-making is virtually unchanged, only a slight increase in the amplitude indicating an additional source of input to the brain. Captain Picard's patterns are also significantly different patterns of activity than what I mapped in Odan's brain wave patterns. The two brains are working together but it's like Odan is sharing the sensory information collected by Captain Picard's body and processing it separate from Captain Picard. Captain Picard's thought processes and memories are his own. He has access to Odan's thoughts and memories including those of all of Odan's previous hosts, but he is thinking for himself. I am certain of that. Every indication is that the captain is simply making the best of the situation, trying to adjust to the change in circumstances and go on with his life."

"I can corroborate that conclusion," Troi offered.

Crusher gestured toward Data but her tone was challenging Riker. "I'm required to submit all of the scans that I run on Captain Picard in regular reports to Starfleet so if you still want Data to review them, go right ahead."

Riker nodded to Data. "Nothing personal, Doctor. Starfleet may have its reasons for returning Captain Picard to command, but I've been ordered to keep an eye on him. I need all of the information I can get and I need to know that it's completely objective."

"Are you completely objective, Will?" Crusher asked as she walked out.

...

The silence was comforting in a way. Crusher had met Troi the next morning for their usual workout and neither woman had said anything for the first ten minutes. Deanna had to know that she was feeling betrayed by last night's confrontation. Not a single one of them had stopped by her quarters or made any effort at contact. She hadn't been entirely certain that Deanna would be here for their workout this morning. It was one thing for the senior staff to have concerns about Captain Picard, but for them to question her loyalty and professionalism simply because of her association with Picard was a bitter pill to swallow. Was she supposed to be grateful that they weren't shunning her entirely? Finally, the silence got too loud to tolerate. "You were the one who pushed me to accept Odan's love even if he was in Captain Picard's body."

"Do you regret that decision?"

Shifting position, she deepened her stretch. "No, I'm glad I took your advice. I know it's complicated, believe me I know it's complicated. It just feels right. I never even suspected how much Jack's ghost haunted things between Jean-Luc and me. With Odan everything felt . . . I told you about the man I was involved with before Jack, didn't I?"

"The toe-curler?" Troi grinned at Crusher. "Can I take that to mean that Odan Picard is curling your toes now?"

She felt her face flush with color. "It's beyond toe-curling and if I hadn't taken your advice, I would have missed out on a love more incredible than anything I've even imagined. I just wish I had a little more support from my friends."

Troi stopped and reached out to touch Crusher's arm. "Please understand that this isn't easy for me. I can't say too much in front of the others without divulging confidences, either Captain Picard's or yours. I am your friend and I'm happy for you and the captain, just give the others some time."

"How much time?" she grunted. Standing up, the two women began moving through the mok'bara forms. "Do you know that one of my own med techs actually scanned me with a medical tricorder behind my back a couple of days ago?"

"Probably looking for a symbiont," Troi said, exhaling and changing position.

Crusher dropped her arms and turned to stare questioningly at Deanna. "What?"

"There's been a rumor going around that Captain Picard took you to the Trill homeworld and implanted you with a symbiont as part of some Trill plot to take over Starfleet," Troi explained.

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Of all the ridiculous ideas, how could people be that idiotic? Did they really think that Starfleet would have returned command of the flagship to Odan if they weren't reasonably confident about the nature of Trill symbionts? The encounter they'd had with the parasites wasn't even general knowledge so she didn't want to think about how much worse things would be if people knew about them. In the back of her mind, it did occur to her that she'd actually accused Odan of having that very idea in terms of Adar, but she'd been just as wrong about him as everybody on this ship was about her. "Well, that explains all of the weird looks at my stomach. I actually thought people might be checking for a baby bump which, even if it were possible at my age, wouldn't appear quite this fast. I'm surprised Geordi came to me for help if everybody thinks I've been implanted with a symbiont; of course with his VISOR, he'd be able to tell at a glance that I'm still just plain old me."

"Is Geordi all right?"

Forcing herself to focus on the workout, she nodded. "Fine, just some trouble sleeping."

...

At the sound of someone tapping on the frame of the doorway to her office, Crusher looked up to see Riker standing there. "Something I can do for you, Commander?"

"I just wanted to let you know that Data concurred with your analysis of Captain Picard's scans," he said.

"Do tell." Troi had cautioned her to give people time. Accepting curious looks and awkwardness in conversation was one thing, having a friend blatantly insult her intelligence, her ethics and her loyalty was a different matter entirely. She shouldn't have to re-earn the respect of her colleagues just because of who she chose to be involved with.

Riker stepped into her office and closed the door behind him. "Beverly."

"Is there something else, Commander?"

Perching himself on the corner of her desk, he shrugged helplessly. "Apparently I've broken a friendship. I don't suppose you have a regnerator for that?"

As much as she wanted to stay angry, she missed the camaraderie of good friends. It hadn't been as noticeable before, but since her return it seemed like the closer she got to Odan, the more isolated she felt from everyone else. Riker was extending an olive branch and, while part of her wanted to hit him with it, she didn't want to feel lonely anymore. "It's not broken, Will, just a little bent and bruised."

"Can it be fixed?"

She reached out to lay her hand on his thigh. "Of course, Will. I'm just hurt that you doubted me, my loyalty to the captain. I know this is hard for everyone-it was hard for me, I just don't think it's fair for my friends to act like I'm sleeping with the enemy. Odan is not an enemy to anyone here, he's part of Captain Picard."

"As your friend," he said, "I'm worried about you. Are you sure this relationship is a good idea?"

"Yes, I am very sure of my relationship with him. Will, I wish you could know him the way I do."

Riker's eyebrow shot up. "Captains and First Officers may have a close relationship, but not that close."

At the amused, teasing expression on his face, she realized that the way she'd expressed her answer could have a very interesting connotation. They both broke up laughing. "You know what I mean."

"A transporter here on the Enterprise was used to beam a shipment of weapons to Krios," he told her. "The evidence so far suggests that the Romulans are trying to undermine our relations with the Klingons. As much as I'd like to take the time to get to know the new Picard, that's a luxury we may not have."

She gestured toward the computer in reference to her tests. "Odan wouldn't but he also couldn't do anything without Captain Picard's cooperation. You, yourself just told me that Data agreed with me that Captain Picard is thinking for himself."

"Yes."

"Deanna has told you that Jean-Luc is still a very strong presence in Captain Picard."

"Yes."

His doubt was fading as she reiterated each point, she could see it in his eyes. "Do your due diligence, Will, just don't get so focused on Odan that you miss the real culprit."

He covered her hand with his much larger one. "Promise."

As Riker was leaving, she thought of something. "Will, could you talk to the others about something for me?"

"About what?" he paused with the door half-open.

"When this situation on Krios is sorted out, I'd like to invite Captain Picard to join our poker games. It would give you all a chance to get to know him better. I just want to make sure everyone would be comfortable with it before I mention it to him."

Riker shrugged. "I'd be fine with it. I never thought he'd want to play. I'll check with the others and let you know."

...

Crusher wearily slipped out of her lab coat as she entered her quarters. She had just finished running a complete physical on LaForge after the incident in the cargo bay with Vagh and Ambassador Kell. Ever since the revelation that a Romulan collaborator had been using LaForge's implants to transmit instructions directly to his brain, she'd been berating herself for not seeing it earlier. He had come to her for help and she'd casually dismissed it. Would she have dismissed an anomalous reading so easily if it had been Odan? Here she was upset about the lack of loyalty from her friends and apparently she deserved it. As soon as that thought crossed her mind she knew it was irrational; knowing that didn't assuage her feelings of guilt, however. Completely absorbed in her own self-flagellation, she was startled to find the table already set for dinner, complete with candlelight.

"How is Commander LaForge?" Picard asked, handing her a glass of wine.

"Confused." Her response was as much a reflection of her current state as it was an answer to his question. "Physically he's fine, Deanna is going to try to help him reconstruct his memories. You know he came to me for help with insomnia just recently? My scan at that time turned up a vascular irregularity in his visual cortex. The blood vessels in that area were dilated slightly more than normal. He said he hadn't experienced any trouble with his VISOR. I just wish I'd taken it more seriously instead of simply giving him a somnetic inducer. I don't know if it would have changed anything or if it would have helped uncover what was going on any quicker, I just feel stupid. Geordi's VISOR picks up signals that human senses are incapable of perceiving; if there's an anomalous reading in the interface, it should be checked out."

He brushed his fingers tenderly across her cheek. "Hindsight is 20/20. There was no reason to question Mr. LaForge's health before."

She sighed. "I know. What about you? How was your day?"

He gave a small chuckle. "Life as a Starfleet captain is certainly not dull; or rather life as Captain Picard is not dull. It was a bit disconcerting to be most thoroughly searched by Mr. Worf under the supervision of my first officer."

"I thought Ambassador Kell was -"

"Commander Riker needed to be sure," Picard overrode her indignation with a calming tone. "Kell refused to be searched by Starfleet personnel, he didn't admit to guilt. As one of two suspects, Commander Riker did the right thing by having me searched. I have to earn his trust, Beverly. Would he have done the same thing in the absence of a symbiont? Probably not, but by the same token, there was no harm done. Now, how about some dinner?"

Crusher looked at the meal set out. "This is a switch."

"What do you mean?"

"Usually when we share a meal, you invite me to your quarters. I don't think you've ever even been in my quarters before."

He had been in the process of pulling a chair out for her and he suddenly froze. "I'm sorry, Doctor Beverly. I shouldn't have just let myself in. I only thought that you'd had a long day, working late to conduct your examination of Commander LaForge-"

She placed a finger over his lips to still his rambling apology. "You have always been welcome in my quarters, both of you. This was very thoughtful, just uncharacteristic."

Stiffening, he pulled away from her. "I take that to mean you feel I've been thoughtless before Odan?"

The last thing she needed was an argument with one of the only people on the ship that there wasn't tension or awkwardness with already. "Of course not, you're the captain and you have larger quarters. It's never even occurred to me until now that I always go to you, that's just the way things work. It's sweet to have you come to me for a change, that's all I meant. I appreciate the gesture. I'm sorry."

"No," he corrected. "I'm sorry, having my own crew genuinely suspect me as a Romulan collaborator did bother me. I understand their perspective but still. Apparently I'm a little temperamental tonight."

Crusher realized that he'd gone to all of this effort-he'd sought her out- because he needed to be with someone who still saw him and trusted him. He undoubtedly felt more isolated on this ship than she did right now. Troi and she were the only ones on the Enterprise who truly knew who he was and accepted it. She at least had friends like Ogawa and, if she were honest with herself, the rest of the senior staff. They might be uncertain about her relationship with Odan, but she knew she could count on them in a pinch. Picard didn't really even have that comfort, not yet. Jean-Luc had always been a private man, not even sharing much of himself with her. Given his struggle to redefine himself, losing the confidence of his crew was a bigger blow than he'd let on. Now that she was seeing the vulnerability in him, she suddenly wanted to show him that he wasn't alone. She set her wine glass down and reached for his hand. Feeling very daring, she slowly and deliberately licked the inside of his wrist.

"Doctor Beverly," his words were hoarse, his voice a deep, desire-roughened rasp.

"Would you mind if we waited a bit on dinner?" she asked as she methodically opened his uniform jacket. It wasn't that knowing he felt weak made her feel strong. It was just the certainty that he needed her as much as she wanted him gave her a confidence that she usually lacked.

He cupped her cheek and drew her to him. Almost hesitantly, his lips sought hers with brief, tentative nips. Only when she responded by kissing him back did he apply ever-so-slight pressure with his thumb to gently coax her mouth open and deepen the kiss. Finally, he pulled back long enough to murmur, "Make it so."

Their dinner was quite cold by the time they got back to it.


	5. Risk and Reward

RISK AND REWARD

(references to TNG episode In Theory)

Crusher woke to find a pair of hazel eyes intently studying her. Picard was propped up on one elbow beside her and she wondered how long he'd been watching her sleep. They were in her quarters, he had joined the senior staff in their poker game for the first time last night. She had known that he was a good poker player, Jack had often commented on Jean-Luc's poker skills; however, his ease with the game had come as a surprise to the others and she hoped it had been a pleasant surprise. After the game broke up, he'd walked her back to her quarters and a kiss good night quickly turned into more. She stretched, trying not to look too disconcerted at her state of nudity; it was nothing he hadn't already seen and judging by his reaction, it was a sight he enjoyed. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Doctor Beverly," he murmured as he leaned over to brush a soft kiss across her lips. His hand brushed the covers down and began stroking her body.

The feel of his hand cupping her breast, his thumb flicking idly across her nipple had her practically purring under his touch. She arched into the pressure of his caress. A sense of warmth flowed through her, utter contentment filling her. There was nothing more she needed at this moment. When his hand slid down across her stomach to fondle her more intimately, her legs parted in invitation. After several minutes of his talented fingers just aimlessly building her arousal without any indication of urgency on his part, her frustration took over. She trailed one fingernail down his chest before reaching down to grasp him firmly. Feeling him shudder at her touch emboldened her. She dragged her fingernail across the tip of his erection, smiling when he gasped in response. His body shifted to cover hers and she welcomed his weight pressing her into the mattress, her legs wrapping around his waist in anticipation.

"You know, if we shared quarters we could be doing this every morning," he whispered in her ear. Then, abruptly he cursed. "Merde."

Startled by the invitation and just as quickly confused by his reaction, she wasn't really sure what to say and the proximity of their bodies made it difficult to concentrate. "Odan?"

"I'm sorry," he said as he tried to pull away from her.

She tightened her legs around him, holding him in position. "No, please just talk to me. What's wrong?"

Picard closed his eyes, avoiding her gaze. "This feels . . . Odan wants to wake up next to you every morning. I enjoy having you in my life but I'm concerned that if we push things too quickly and something doesn't work out, I'll lose my closest friend. Odan and I were discussing that before you woke up, he simply took advantage of my distracted state to broach the subject with you directly."

The corners of her mouth twitched. "Are you saying that Odan seduced you with my body and then took advantage of you?"

He saw the humor in the situation and began chuckling. "Something like that. I love you, Doctor Beverly and I would love to share my quarters and my life with you. There's just a part of me that's not certain it's the right time to move forward with us quite yet."

Not sure how she knew, somehow she was certain that his reluctance to take their relationship to the next level had everything to do with his currently uncertain relationship with his crew. He needed to gain their support back first. She tenderly caressed his cheek. "I love you, too and we can wait until the time is right; I'm not going anywhere."

Relaxing into her embrace, his lips sought hers for a deep, passionate kiss. "Now, where were we?"

...

The stares were getting less obvious although she still felt the urge to check her clothing for holes or stains on occasion. While Captain Picard was mostly disturbed by the loss of his crew's confidence, Odan was a social person and the sense of isolation bothered him more than he let on. Picard and she were having dinner in Ten Forward, something they had been doing a couple times a week or more. They had also attended social events on the ship such as the quintet recital a few days ago. Strangely, seeing Guinan accept Odan Picard and treat him as a friend seemed to make a difference to the crew. It was like if Guinan thought he was all right, that was good enough for everyone else.

"Class M planets inside a dark matter nebula," Picard was saying. "Commander Data believes that the increased density of the dark matter may have caused life to develop in unforeseen ways. The idea of life evolving under these conditions is just incredible. I must admit to being very excited about the possibility of a first contact."

"Are there any signs of sentient life or warp-capable societies?" Crusher asked as the waiter set their dinner orders in front of them.

Pausing to thank the waiter, he returned his attention to their conversation. "No, but the nebula might be affecting long-range scans. For that matter we might find signs of prior civilizations; we've only known about this nebula for just over a century."

"Only a hundred years," she echoed.

"Two lifetimes or so for me and, archaeologically speaking, barely the blink of an eye," he pointed out. "So tell me, what types of life forms might develop in this type of environment-physiologically speaking?"

She thought for a moment. "With M class environments it would certainly be possible to see mammalian humanoid life forms. Life native to a dark matter nebula, I think we'd probably see something with an exoskeleton, possibly even reptilian characteristics. Greater density of dark matter might stunt growth but lend itself to greater bulk. I wouldn't be surprised to find a race like the Gorn but more likely something silicon-based like the Horta or Excalbian. Preliminary scans of the nebula that I've seen don't show any environments hot enough for a race like the Tholians. For that matter, we could encounter non-corporeal life like the Organians. If that's the case then there might be ruins dating back to when they had corporeal form on one of the Class M planets. Unless they developed as a life form in a non-corporeal state, we've encountered energy-based life before."

"Non-corporeal?"

Lost in her own hypothesizing on the possibilities of life forms, she had missed his reaction to her rambling list. Now she saw the questioning expression on his face. "Odan, is something wrong?"

"Earlier today I entered my ready room to find the contents of my desk on the floor," he said. "There was no sign of anyone else present. I dislike the idea that a member of my crew might have done such a thing intentionally, but under the current circumstances I couldn't rule it out. It's actually been bothering me. I discouraged Mr. Worf from conducting an investigation not feeling that it was warranted; however, I hadn't considered the possibility of encountering non-corporeal life in here either."

"Something similar happened in Sickbay," she told him. "A piece of equipment fell off of a rack for no apparent reason. I didn't think too much of it at the time, but it would have been just after we entered the nebula."

Picard tapped his index finger against the handle of his fork, thinking. "Well, we'll be at the coordinates for one of the M class planets in a few hours; that may yield some answers."

"There haven't been any unusual injuries," she noted. "If there are non-corporeal life forms in here, maybe they're just trying to get our attention."

He nodded in agreement. "Quite possible, which means we need to figure out how to say hello. Well, enough work. I've been wondering what the drama department is working on."

"We're between productions at the moment. I've been a bit preoccupied."

Smiling, he reached across the table to caress her hand. "I was just thinking that it might be advantageous for me to appear in a production."

Her eyebrow arched. "Voluntarily?"

"I've never participated in theatrical exploits with any of my previous hosts," he replied. "It would help the crew see Captain Picard as just a man and it seems like a fun experience for both of us to share with you."

"I see and have you given any thought to what production you might want to do?"

Dabbing at his mouth with his napkin, he winked at her. "I was thinking that The Taming of the Shrew would be fun." He quoted in a dramatic tone, "I tell you, 'tis incredible to believe how much she loves me. O, the kindest Kate, she hung about my neck, and kiss on kiss she vied so fast, protesting oath on oath, that in a twink she won me to her love'."

"I hope you're not suggesting that I'm shrewish," she countered playfully. This type of openly flirty, fun banter was a bit unlike her prior relationship with Picard. Odan was quite roguish and when combined with Jean-Luc's sense of humor, this light-hearted give-and-take happened regularly.

"Of course not. I was just thinking of all the opportunities in the play to publicly kiss you," he admitted with a suggestive leer.

Chuckling, she shook her head. "At the time it was written, all of the roles were played by men. There's no kissing in Shakespeare and you know it."

He gave a feigned look of disappointment. "Petruchio certainly seems to talk about kissing Kate quite a bit. Perhaps we could update the Bard a bit."

"Well, I would get to hit you without consequence and be applauded for it," she pointed out with a mischievous grin. "Maybe this warrants some thought after all."

"And maybe I didn't think this through quite enough," he muttered.

She took a bite of her dinner and considered the possibilities. "What about a production of La Traviata? Alfredo, Alfredo, you can't imagine the love in my heart for you."

...

Ten Forward was quiet, a handful of people sitting around but the room was mostly deserted. Crusher glanced around and quickly spied the person she'd come to see. Picard and she had finished dinner a couple of hours ago but there was something she hadn't been able to get off her mind. Even though she had just made the decision to come here less than ten minutes ago, it was almost like the other woman was waiting for her.

"What can I get you, Doctor Crusher?" Guinan asked with her usual enigmatic smile.

"Some peace of mind, hopefully." If anyone could put her mind to ease over this, it would be Guinan.

Reaching under the bar, she retrieved a cup and saucer. "Mareuvian tea with a dash of cinnamon it is."

Without thinking, Crusher picked up the beverage and took a sip. She could almost feel the anxiety begin to dissipate. "I was actually thinking more along the line of answers but thank you for the tea; it is good."

Guinan began wiping the top of the bar. "I have tea, answers are usually in short supply."

"You know everything that happens on this ship." It was a statement. Crusher knew there was a great deal more to her than met the eye. Even Q was unnerved by Guinan and she wasn't the least bit intimidated by his omnipotence.

"I hear things," Guinan acknowledged.

Sliding her cup of tea aside, she leaned forward and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Have you heard anything about Captain Picard?"

"Well now, that's quite the popular topic," Guinan said. "I've been hearing a lot about the captain and you for that matter."

"Like what?"

Guinan just shrugged and continued to clean the sparkling bar top.

"Has anyone been . . . Is there . . . " Crusher cast around for how to put her concern into words since it was obvious that Guinan wasn't going to engage in idle gossip. "Do you think anyone is angry or frightened enough of Odan to do something spiteful?"

"No," Guinan looked a bit surprised at the question.

Crusher reached for her tea and took another sip. "Earlier tonight Odan mentioned that everything from his desk had somehow ended up scattered on his ready room floor and I recalled a medical instrument mysteriously ending up on the floor in Sickbay recently. He didn't want to think that someone had intentionally done that; he's hoping that it has something to do with this nebula, maybe even a non-corporeal life form making itself known. It's just that with all of the strange looks I've been getting and the only two incidents like this involving Odan and me, I can't help but wonder and I'm a little afraid that I'm getting paranoid. I thought maybe if you've heard anything even about another strange event or if you can tell if there's a life form in here with us."

"People are confused by the change in the captain," Guinan said. "There are a few individuals who are frightened by what's happened to Captain Picard and fear can make people behave unpredictably. Some of the crew feel like they should have some sort of memorial service for Jean-Luc Picard and yet it doesn't seem appropriate since he's not technically dead. As for you, mostly people are worried about you; although they're starting to see that you're happy and they're glad for you."

"What about . . . ?"

Guinan reached across the bar to rest her hand on top of Crusher's. "They need time to adjust and get to know the new Captain Picard, which will be hard given how little anyone really knew the old Captain Picard. I haven't heard anyone with strong enough feelings to act harshly toward either Captain Picard or you. As for strange events, no, I'm sorry but I haven't heard anyone talking about anything like that. There is something different about this place, then again dark matter can distort things as darkness in general tends to do."

Crusher finished her tea and smiled gratefully at the bartender. There was nothing sinister going on, this ship was still her home and its crew her family even under the present circumstances. Mysteries were fine, they dealt with those every week it seemed. At least she knew that those events were not man-made, that was enough to put her mind at ease. "If that's your way of saying that things will look better in the morning, I'll just take that wonderful advice and go to bed."

"Goodnight, Doctor Crusher, sleep tight."

...

"Doctor Beverly."

At the sound of her name, she looked up from the scans that she had been studying. The mysteries presented by this nebula seemed to be compounding by the hour. A number of other strange events had been reported so, while they didn't have an explanation yet, it wasn't isolated to Picard and her. Right now Picard was standing just inside the Sickbay door. When he saw her looking at him, he gestured toward her office. A sick feeling began gaining strength in the pit of her stomach as she walked toward him.

Once they were inside her office, he tenderly stroked her cheek as if to blunt the impact of his words. "I only have a moment. I just couldn't go without speaking to you first."

"Go? Where?"

"Commander Data has determined the cause of the recent occurrences," he prefaced his answer. "There are pockets of subspace distortions throughout this nebula. Every time we hit one or one of them drifts into us, the area affected phases out of normal space."

"I know, I've already completed the autopsy on Lieutenant Van Mayter and sent the results to Data for his analysis."

He grasped her hands and cradled them in his. "We can't detect these pockets soon enough for even Mr. Data to navigate around. Our strategy is to use a shuttlecraft far enough in front of the Enterprise to provide sufficient maneuvering room out of the nebula."

She felt the blood rush out of her face. "Odan, no. Please, let Data or Will-"

"Shh," he covered her lips with his finger. "I have to do this."

Pulling his hand away, she urged. "If you're doing this because you think you have something to prove, you-"

"Are the captain of this ship," he firmly overrode her argument. "And yes, I do have to prove it. This is my ship and these are my people; I am responsible for their safety. I need my crew to know that I will still do whatever it takes to keep them safe, no matter the personal cost."

A single tear trailed down her cheek. He was right; this ship and his duty would always be paramount to him just as the health and well-being of her patients were important to her. She wouldn't want him to be any different no matter how hard times like these would be to endure. "Please be careful. I love you."

He leaned in to brush a kiss across her lips and whisper. "De miei bollenti spiriti."

As soon as he was gone, she wiped her face. Pulling herself together, she made a beeline for the door. She needed to be on the Bridge, there was no way she could just pace in her office while Picard was putting his life on the line. The distance from Sickbay to the Bridge never seemed so long. By the time she stepped off the turbolift, his shuttle was launching. Riker noted her arrival and joined her at one of the science stations. Using the pretext of monitoring Picard's vital signs as justification for her presence on the Brige, she activated the station and programmed in a display of his biosign readings.

"Doctor," Riker said in a low voice. "He insisted on being the one in the shuttle."

"I know, Will."

He caught her arm, turning her to face him. "Is this Odan?"

Crusher gave a harsh laugh. "No, this is vintage Jean-Luc Picard. There's a reason he was the youngest captain in Starfleet or have you forgotten everything you learned about him over the past few years?"

"Why is he doing this?"

There was no anger or bitterness in her tone, only resignation. "To prove to all of you that you still have the full measure of his loyalty even if he doesn't have yours yet. He's doing this to earn your trust and respect back. He's doing this because it's who he is; he's the Captain of this ship."

Riker tapped his communicator. "Bridge to O'Brien, lock on to the Captain's communicator. I want to be able to pull him out of there if I have to."

...

Crusher was futzing nervously with the table setting in Picard's quarters. Watching his shuttle spiral out of control, it had taken every ounce of restraint to stay silent on the Bridge. Near the end she had stopped breathing for one agonizing moment while she and the rest of the Bridge crew waited for confirmation from O'Brien that he'd managed to retrieve the captain. Breathing a sigh of relief herself, she had been touched to see the obvious relief from Riker and Worf at the news of Picard's safe return. Not trusting herself to maintain her composure, she left the Bridge before he arrived.

She still hadn't worked out exactly how to broach the subject but she knew what she wanted. Events over the recent months had coalesced into an instant of perfect clarity for her on the Bridge; she just wasn't sure how Picard would react. The door slid open and she couldn't quite stop the corners of her mouth from twitching with amusement at his wary manner as he entered.

"I stopped by Sickbay," he held up a PADD almost defensively. "Will told me that you'd been on the Bridge earlier and I assumed that you would want to run a scan to see for yourself that I was fine. Dr. Selar informed me that you weren't expected back today and performed the scans herself."

She took the PADD but tossed it aside without looking. "I was monitoring your bio-signs from the Bridge; I knew you were fine. Since you'd had a long day, I thought you might be hungry and tired so I let myself in to start dinner."

"That's . . . very . . . considerate," he said slowly, obviously choosing his words very carefully.

'But uncharacteristic,' she could almost hear the unspoken sentiment. He would be right. Usually this was the point where fear drove her to retreat into her shell, the 'icy exterior' that Odan had broken through. She had realized in that moment on the Bridge that whether she ran away from the possibility of loss or had to face the reality of loss, the pain and grief would still be there in the end. She was tired of fear; she was tired of isolating herself emotionally from everyone around her in order to avoid the pain of loss. If she had known how short a time she would have Jack, would she still have married him or would she erase their time together and Wesley with the same stroke that would erase the pain of Jack's death? As hard as it was, the answer was yes but she would have focused more on the time they had instead of the future they never got. Here, right in front of her, were two individuals who both loved her in their own ways and all she had to do was embrace the present, experience the love that Odan Picard wanted to share with her now. The future would happen regardless, but the memories they made would always be there. "I assure you that you did not return to an alternate universe version of the Enterprise."

"That's good to know," he commented in a neutral tone, uncertainty still obvious in his demeanor. "We're enroute to Starbase Two but all systems appear to be operating within normal parameters."

"There haven't been any reports of illness among the crew to this point," she advised him as she handed him a glass of wine.

He gently swirled the liquid in his glass, studying her. "Any reports of unusual behavior?"

She couldn't stop the eruption of laughter. The combination of her own emotional turmoil and nerves with his calm, wry comment struck her as too funny. "I've stopped counting how many times I've almost lost you. I can see the difference in you since you got your command back, Odan. This is where you belong, this is where Jean-Luc's heart is. The captain of a starship is who you are; if you're not Captain Picard, you're lost. I want you to be happy, Odan. The fact is that if I want you to be in my life, this is how it has to be and I do want you to be in my life. Even if we only have a few years, I want those years to matter. I don't want to waste any of the time we have being scared of losing you."

Picard set his glass down so he could pull her into his embrace. "My darling, Doctor Beverly, I can almost promise you that you will not lose me. It is far more likely, near certain that I will lose you as I've lost many before you; dear friends, family and past loves who have died over the course of my lifetime, too many to count. I savor every individual who comes through my life because I know that their presence is transient. Only other symbionts know the weight of loss that we accumulate through the centuries. Adar and others of our kind are the only constants in our respective lives. That's one reason that it's so important for us to remain connected to one another throughout our many lifetimes. I live each day knowing that I will one day stand over your grave just as certainly as I will mark Jean-Luc's grave with my zhian'om one day."

"Oh, Odan." With all of the loss she'd experienced, her parents, all of the those people on Arvada, Nana, Jack, Walker, patients and friends, multiplying that loss by all of the former hosts whom she'd met during Odan's zhian'tara seemed too overwhelming to endure. The idea of immortality always seemed so enticing, to have an eternity to live and learn all of the secrets of the universe. It was so easy to overlook the price that long-lived individuals paid for that longevity, especially when the majority of those around them didn't have the same life span.

"In many respects I am more myself in this lifetime than I have ever been," Picard said, not relinquishing his hold on her. "Jean-Luc and I co-exist in this body, working together as a team. In some ways we have merged ourselves into one but I have been forced to be much more aware of myself as an individual in this process than I have with Trill hosts who choose to merge. Being both Odan and Picard, feeling everything either of us has ever felt, I am so much more aware of time passing and the difference between living and existing. I know that you were frightened today and both Jean-Luc and I expected you to withdraw from us, back into your shell. You are finally embracing the strength that both of us knew was there. Jean-Luc may not have known the passion and fire that you possess, but he has always known and respected your intelligence and strength. That is why he has always valued your opinions, Doctor Beverly. Even in those times where you did not feel strong, you have always exuded strength to all those around you. It has been a comfort to me-both of me- many times. I love your strength, your wisdom, your compassion and your fire."

She kissed him hard and passionately. "Marry me."

He pulled back, a quizzical expression on his face.

Before he could respond, she pressed one finger against his lips. "I know that you're still unsure of some things, so I don't expect an answer right now. Just think about it, discuss it amongst yourselves. I love you and I want to be able to come home at the end of a day-good or bad-and tell you all about it over dinner. I want to wake up in the morning and talk about the upcoming day over Fanalian tea and omelets. I want you. I'm asking you to marry me."

Kissing her finger, he gave her a soft, barely-there smile. "Well, I'm no expert on these things but if this is an official proposal of marriage, shouldn't the person proposing be on bended knee?"

Anticipation sent her heart fluttering wildly. She hadn't been sure how he would react and this wasn't exactly how she'd planned to broach the subject of their sharing quarters. Once the words were out of her mouth, she actually wanted him to say yes. She wanted this more than anything she had wanted in a long time. He hadn't said no and she could tell that Odan and Jean-Luc were having a heated debate on the matter-his humorous retort was a stalling tactic. It was incredible how well she had learned to read Odan Picard in their time together. She also knew how to influence his internal debate. Trailing her finger down his lean torso, she arched an eyebrow at him. "If you insist."

Crusher slid her hand into the waistband of his trousers and deftly unfastened them. As she lowered herself to kneel in front of Picard, she drew his trousers and underwear down as well. Feeling very daring, she licked up the inside of first one thigh then the other. His hands wound themselves into her hair, holding her tight but not forcing her attention anywhere specific. She nuzzled the growing evidence of his desire, grinning sassily up at him. "I am on bended knee and officially asking for your hand in marriage, Odan Picard."

When her mouth encircled him and began moving, "Oh yes, Doctor Beverly," were the only words he said for a long time.

_*De miei bollenti spiriti – Wild my dream of ecstasy (a line from La Traviata)_


	6. A New Lease on Love

A NEW LEASE ON LOVE

Crusher sighed and shut off the computer monitor. Most of the plans for the wedding were in place, it was the last few details that she couldn't seem to make a decision on. After dealing with the Klingons, Romulans and Cardassians not to mention their encounter with the quantum filament, heading back to the Sol system was a welcome respite for everyone. The Enterprise had received temporary repairs at Starbase Two and would undergo a more thorough diagnostic and repair at Utopia Planitia. That would provide everyone an opportunity to take leave on Earth and, for Odan and her, a wedding. With Wesley and Picard's family all on Earth, the chance to have their ceremony there was a unexpected treat. Of course for Odan it would mark the first time Jean-Luc had seen his family in person since the joining.

Checking the time, she got up and set the table for dinner. She had moved into the captain's quarters shortly after he accepted her proposal and they had quickly settled into a comfortable routine. Picard was in the gym fencing. It was one of Jean-Luc's interests that both Jean-Luc and Odan enjoyed. Odan had developed a fondness for swashbuckling over the more refined fencing that Jean-Luc favored; at least that's what he said. Having known Jean-Luc for as long and as well as she had, she was certain that he'd been a swashbuckler at heart all along, Odan just gave him an excuse to indulge a bit more. At the moment he was giving Guinan some fencing lessons and she suspected that Guinan had expressed an interest in that only as an excuse to give Picard someone real to fence with. The crew was slowly warming up to him, he'd certainly proven himself many times over in recent events. Picard was still trying to find the right balance between Odan's social nature and Jean-Luc's more reserved nature. Guinan was one of the few people that both of them could relax with.

The door slid open and Picard entered exhaling loudly. "Ah, my Doctor Beverly, you are truly a treasure to come home to."

The corners of her mouth quirked upward. On duty, at senior staff meetings or when they were conducting ship's business, he was the old Jean-Luc for the most part, proper and refined. Off duty he was more ebullient; not quite as playful and mischievous as the old Odan, but openly demonstrative in his affection. "From the sound of that sigh, I take it that you had a good workout."

Putting his fencing foil in its place, he nodded. "Guinan certainly put me through my paces. As old as she is, it's hard to believe there's anything she hasn't done before and can do with such energy now. I strongly suspect that she only asked for these lessons as an excuse to give me someone to fence with."

"I had that same thought," Crusher replied. "She's a very good friend."

"Indeed, whatever her reason, I appreciate the outlet for all of this nervous energy."

She followed him into the bedroom and settled herself in the overstuffed chair in the corner, watching him undress. "You're not getting cold feet about the wedding, are you?"

Picard stopped abruptly. Bare-chested, with his trousers unfastened, he walked over to stand in front of her. Reaching out, he toyed with a strand of her hair. "Joined Trill have cold hands, not cold feet and this particular joined Human has no doubts of any kind."

"So the nerves are anticipation?" More relieved than she wanted to admit, she caressed the taut skin of his abdomen as they spoke.

"I am nervous," he admitted. "Just not about the wedding. Neither Jean-Luc nor myself know what to expect from Robert, Marie, Rene' or Wesley for that matter. This is the first time I'll be meeting family members who don't know my symbiont independent of the host. Normally it would be a celebration, a welcome into their family; I don't see Robert welcoming me to the family with open arms."

"You have talked to him since . . . "

He took her hand and pulled her up to stand in front of him. Beginning to open her uniform jacket, he answered. "Mostly I've communicated with Marie and Rene'. The one conversation I had with Robert, he was concerned with my welfare-Jean-Luc's welfare. He seemed to equate a Trill symbiont with Borg assimilation. I just don't know what to expect when we're face to face."

Wriggling to help him strip off her shirt, she unhooked her bra and dropped it on the floor. Both of them still had their uniform trousers on for the moment, but she knew where this was heading. This comfortable, casual intimacy had taken some time as well as trust and communication. If she had stayed in the main room, he would have showered and changed quickly. By following him into the bedroom and getting comfortable, he still had the choice of just showering and dressing but he also had the option of more amorous pursuits. "I can warn you to expect about a hundred questions from Wesley if that helps."

He wrapped his arms around her, their bare torsos crushing together pleasurably. "This right here helps more than anything," he said softly.

...

Crusher was sitting on a bench on the grounds of Starfleet Academy waiting for Wesley to get out of class. They had decided to meet Wesley first and then the three of them would go on to France together. Odan had gone to find Boothby for a brief chat so she was on her own, enjoying the beautifully landscaped surroundings and reminiscing about her own time at the Academy.

"Hey, mom."

It was almost instinctual, any time she heard the word 'mom' she immediately responded by looking for the source. In this instance, the source was loping toward her with a big grin on his face. The mother in her couldn't help but note some weight loss and wonder if he was remembering to eat regularly. He looked so much like his father in his cadet uniform; for a second she saw Jack coming toward her. In the next instant she saw a five year old Wesley running toward her to show her whatever exciting thing he'd just discovered. Shaking off the wave of nostalgia, she smiled back at him and stood up to greet him. "Wesley, it's so good to see you."

When he got to her, he paused briefly to glance around before giving her a quick hug. "It's great to see you, too. So where is he? Is he here with you?"

"He is right here."

The voice from right beside her startled both Wesley and her. "Did you find Boothby?" she asked.

"I did," Picard said. "Otherwise I'd be risking life and limb to do this." With that he pulled a large, red rose from behind his back and presented it to her.

"Oh, Odan, thank you; it's beautiful."

Tugging on his uniform jacket, Picard regarded Wesley who was carefully scrutinizing him. "I acquired an additional mind, not a second head, Mr. Crusher."

"No, sir . . . I mean yes, sir. Of course not, Captain . . . "

"Picard," Odan finished for the obviously flustered young man. "I'm still Captain Picard."

Wesley took a deep breath. "Yes, Captain Picard, sir."

Picard extended his arm to Beverly. "I-Odan-would be happy to answer any and all of your questions over lunch, Mr. Crusher. Shall we?"

...

So far, so good; she was walking hand in hand with Odan along a quiet, country road on their way to the Picard family home. At the moment Wesley was carrying on an animated conversation with Picard about some of his classes and instructors at the Academy. Most of the conversation over lunch had been about Trill history and culture. Even she had learned more about the differences between Odan's people and the mainland Trill. Surprisingly, Wesley didn't seem to have any problems with their imminent nuptials; he was more concerned with the joining of Odan and Jean-Luc than the joining of Odan/Jean-Luc and her. Now, with the addition of Wesley's support, they were heading toward their next hurdle. She gripped his hand a bit tighter, hoping he could feel her love through that connection.

"Hello there, Uncle," Picard called out. "Aren't you going to come down and greet your nephew?"

Standing partially obscured by a tree was a very uncertain Rene'. "I haven't decided yet."

"I see," Picard commented with a non-committal tone.

Wesley stepped forward with his hand extended. "Hey, you must be Rene'. Captain Picard told me about you. I'm Wesley Crusher and this is my mom, Doctor Beverly Crusher. It's nice to meet you."

"Young Wesley here is a cadet at the Academy," Picard offered.

With that Rene' scrambled down to the road. "Really? Is it exciting? Is it hard? Are there a lot of other Federation races there or is it mostly humans?"

Casting a glance back toward Picard, Wesley turned and began walking alongside Rene'. "Well, a lot of the other Federation races are humanoid and there are a lot of humans who were born in colonies on other planets so it's not always easy to tell by looking where someone is from-unless you're looking at a Bolian or Tellarite, then it's kind of obvious."

Rene' stopped and looked closely at Picard. "Are you still human? I mean you were born here but that other thing, the alien. . . "

"Yes," Picard said. "I am still very much human, I just have a non-human friend living inside me and sharing my body."

Rene' thought about that for a moment. "Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Is it weird?"

Picard chuckled. "Yes."

"You're still my uncle?" Rene' asked.

Picard shrugged. "Only if you still want me to be?"

The boy pursed his lips, thinking. "I guess so."

...

"Hello."

Crusher flinched in sympathy when Robert's response to Picard's greeting was a grunt and a curt nod. Marie tsked at him before bustling over to greet them.

"Jean-Luc, it's so good to see you," she said warmly. "And this must be Beverly, welcome."

If her smile and tone were a bit forced, Crusher still saw the effort as genuine. "Thank you, Marie; I've heard nothing but good things about you. I'm glad to finally meet you in person. This is my son, Wesley."

"I see you've already met Rene'," Marie noted. "Perhaps Rene' can show Wesley to the room I prepared for him and the boys can drop your bags in your room."

Rene' reached for the bag she was carrying, shouldering it before grabbing Picard's bag. "Sure, mom. This way, Wes."

With the boys gone, the awkwardness became almost oppressive. Out of the corner of her eye, Crusher saw Picard's hands adjusting the waistband of his trousers and re-tucking his shirt. It was Jean-Luc's nervous habit; Odan had an entire community of family back on Trill but Robert, Marie and Rene' were all that Jean-Luc had. Every nanosecond of silence felt like the tick of a clock counting down to an explosion. She exchanged a look of desperation with Marie; both women wanted to forestall the encounter between the two men, but neither knew what to say.

"How do the grapes look this year, Robert?" Picard asked, breaking the silence echoing in the room.

After a long silence and a stern glare from Marie, Robert answered somewhat grudgingly. "Fine, just fine."

"You know, Odan has never seen wine made. He's quite intrigued by the concept."

While Picard's voice sounded calm as he named the proverbial elephant in the room, Crusher saw his fingers stretching toward her very subtly. She moved closer and slipped her hand into his, feeling him squeeze her fingers in gratitude. It was probably better to get the subject out in the open and yet she still held her breath, waiting for Robert and Marie's response.

Robert snorted. "Don't those things have wine on their planet?"

Marie sighed. "Robert."

Picard actually smiled and then he chuckled. "Odan's people make something like a cross between beer and whiskey. He's never really liked it-he says that's one reason he became a diplomat because other planets produce such delightful spirits. I've been introducing him to Chateau Picard and he's got quite a few questions for you."

"Have you forgotten everything you learned about the family business then, Jean-Luc?" Robert asked.

"No, but you're the master vintner, Robert. Odan would prefer to hear your thoughts on the subject. He hears my every thought on every subject all of the time."

"Now you're making me feel sorry for that thing," Robert said.

Picard broke up laughing and the ladies quickly joined in. The tension was broken and the merriment was as much a release of that anxiety as it was the brotherly banter between the two men. "Well then, Robert, perhaps you'll take pity on my symbiont friend and give him a tour of the best vineyard in France."

Crusher watched the two men head for the door. There was still some awkwardness between them, that would take some time. The important thing was that they were talking. She looked over at Marie. "Speaking of wine, I could really use a glass right about now."

"A really big glass," Marie agreed. "I was just thinking the same thing. We can discuss the wedding details over a bottle."

...

"Uniforms?" Troi asked as she entered the bedroom where Crusher was getting ready.

"Dress uniforms," Crusher corrected her absently. She was sitting in front of an old dressing table mirror putting the final touches on her hair and make-up. Studying her reflection, she wondered how many women had looked into that very mirror before her.

Troi sat down on the edge of the bed and sat silently.

Sometimes Crusher thought Troi had telepathic abilities. Now, for example, and how it seemed like she was asking a question without saying a word. "Odan didn't care what he wore at the wedding. Jean-Luc feels more comfortable in his uniform, his Starfleet connection is the one thing that most clearly differentiates him from Odan. If we went with formal attire, it would almost exclude Jean-Luc from the ceremony. If Jean-Luc is wearing his uniform, as a fellow Starfleet officer it would only be appropriate for me to also wear my uniform; so, a small ceremony with only close family and friends in our dress uniforms is the ideal way to ensure everyone is included in this union." She chuckled softly, "you have no idea how complicated the planning for this simple ceremony actually was."

"Is it what you want?"

Crusher gave her friend a big smile full of excitement and joy. "He is what I want. I haven't been this happy since Jack died. I would have been fine with a ceremony in the ready room with acting Captain Riker officiating. Being able to include Wesley and Jean-Luc's family is just a bonus. Odan and I have both been married before, this ceremony is mostly for Jean-Luc. I know he wanted his brother's approval and having Robert as his best man has made this a perfect day for him."

"I know," Troi said. "He introduced us to Robert when we beamed down from the Enterprise. I could feel how happy and proud he was."

A slight pause was the only outward sign that she hesitated to ask her next question. Troi would feel her trepidation, but maintaining her composure was such an ingrained behavior that she didn't even think about it. "Did everyone come?"

"Yes," Troi answered. "The entire senior staff; Will, Geordi, Data, even Worf and, of course, Guinan."

"I appreciate your standing up with me," Crusher said. "It means a lot to me, especially since Nana wasn't able to make it."

A knock on the door was followed by Marie poking her head in. "We're just about ready for you downstairs."

"We'll be right there," Crusher replied.

Troi stood and checked her own reflection in the mirror. "I'm sorry your grandmother wasn't able to make the trip, but I'm honored to be your maid of honor. I wish both Captain Picard and you all the best in your life together."

Embracing her friend with a heartfelt hug, Crusher fought back tears. "Let's go get that life started."

...

The ceremony was being held overlooking the Picard vineyards. Looking at the people seated and waiting, Crusher noted that the senior staff were all sitting on the bride's side of the aisle along with Wesley. Alyssa and Dr. Selar, along with a few of her close friends from Starfleet Medical were also seated on her side of the aisle. Marie and Rene' were in the front row of the groom's side, of course. There were a few local people, friends of the Picard family from Jean-Luc's childhood sitting on his side as well. Guinan was on the groom's side of the aisle sitting next to Kareel Adar. Kareel and Adar had been joined recently and were on Earth for Kareel to complete testing for admission to Starfleet Academy. As soon as the official conducting the ceremony noticed Troi and her arrive, he gestured to the waiting guests. Everyone stood and looked to her but all she saw was Odan, resplendent in his dress uniform and all of his medals glistening in the sun. He looked the same as he always had and yet he had become so much more to her eyes over the past months. The emotions of the moment threatened to overwhelm her. When she snuck a quick glance at Troi, she saw tears sparkling in the empath's eyes; her emotions were spilling over to affect Troi. Nodding, she followed Deanna up the aisle toward her best friend and love.

THE END

Author's note: I'm marking this complete as it stands now. Real life has made it difficult to find time for writing. This saga could easily weave through the rest of the series, subtly changing everything that happened in the last two seasons and the movies. I just don't know that I'll have any time to play with it more and I hate incomplete stories. I wanted to give the story some semblance of closure and letting Picard face his brother seemed like a good, final chapter in the unification of Odan and Jean-Luc. The wedding just gave me the setting for it.

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to comment on this somewhat unusual flight of fancy on my part. Thank you also to all of you who tagged this story as a favorite of yours and those who have tagged it to be notified when I update it. Knowing that people were enjoying this story has been a delight to me.


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